The Other Side of Things

"Ministry Trips"... this is a hot topic here at Bethel.  You can find students talking about it everyday.  Testimony after testimony of God "blowing the place up" (figuratively and positively speaking, for those unfamiliar with the Bethel lingo), healings in massive meetings, salvations on airplanes, signs and wonders, etc...  This is an idealistic dream for any Bethel student, to be able to travel with one of the senior leaders and see the miraculous show up.  This past weekend, however was what I consider the other side of ministry.
Don't get me wrong, I love crazy side of ministry.  But I'm beginning to realize that sometimes the most powerful ministry can look very different from what we would expect.  I have been there and back again, my latest ministry trip to Valparaiso, Indiana.  Bethel has a sister church in Valpo that has a School of Ministry.  The purpose of the trip was for Eric & Candace Johnson to speak at the school, minister to the leaders of the school/church, and to speak Sunday morning.  For us 2nd years (there were three of us all together), we joked around afterwards that we got ministered to more than we actually ministered the entire trip.  Honestly though, the only formal ministry we did the entire 4 days we were there was 15 minutes of prophecy during the School of ministry, and doing the prayer line Sunday morning.
So what is ministry when it's not the big show?  What I learned is that it all boils down to relationship.  That was the main thing we did on our trip.  We hung out with the students the entire time and just did relationship.  It was fantastic!  I didn't have to say the right words, do the right things, or be someone other than myself.  I was just me and let the Spirit flow out of me.  It was the most natural form of ministry, and it was no less ministry than all the other forms.
I have been reading the gospel of John and something that I have noticed is that most of the time Jesus' ministry flowed out of relationship.  He was simply talking with the Samaritan Woman and her life was completely transformed.  He was simply having dinner with Nicodemus and He was able to unpack the foundations of Christianity.  He wasn't hitting the streets in order to see miracles happen.  Miracles happened when He was just being Himself.  It was flowing from His true identity.
A few things that happened as we were just being ourselves and hanging out with people, we were able to teach a visitor how to hear God's voice, we helped a single mom rake out her back yard, we prophesied over students and the church leadership, we saw a couple of backs healed, and we got to pray for all sorts of people in different situations.  So fun!

Kingdom Creativity Released

       Well I have gone and done my first ministry trip as an official 2nd year student!  I can't believe it's already come and gone a week and a half ago.
       So last weekend I went down with a group of 14 to Santa Rosa, CA.  The event was a creativity conference with Theresa Dedmon, so I already had an inkling that this was going to be a trip where I would get stretched and activated.  For those of you who don't know, Theresa heads up anything and everything that has to do with the arts at Bethel.  She has an incredible vision to redeem the arts as something that God created for us as an expression of His creativity as well as ours, and to invade all realms of society with that art and creativity.  She is also known as one who will give her team nice big nudges into things that they have never done before:  prophetically singing over people, painting on stage, prophetically dancing over people, etc...  I have a huge passion to see dance as well as other forms of creativity to influence society, so it has been in my heart to travel with Theresa.  I also knew I wanted to be stretched and activated.  So I was more than thrilled when I got accepted to go.

Prophetic Painting Sunday Morning

       You know that God is going to stretch you when you feel your stomach drop and your mind starts going a hundred miles an hour thinking of how you can escape to anywhere else.  It's like the "wanna get away?" commercials.  Well I first felt that feeling when, in our meeting, Theresa announced that her main dancer was unable to make the trip and she needed someone to teach a dance workshop at the conference.  First of all, this was 2 days before we left.  Second of all, the workshop was called "DUI - Dancing Under the Influence".  Great...  Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and I love dance, so to get this opportunity was totally a God thing.  But I have only ever taught technique and choreography.  I'm still learning what it looks like to dance in the spirit.  In fact, I gave up dancing for a year and only just recently gained vision for it again.  Really God?  You want me to teach?  Well, praise be to God, I said yes instead of hiding.  And He was so gracious to me.  The whole ministry trip was such a safe environment to step out.  It was such a beautiful time ministering to this church body and allowing the Holy Spirit to use the gifts that He has given each of us.

Prophetic Dance over Woman

       The first night I was pretty much pushed up front during worship to dance.  I'm still learning what it looks like to put aside my inner-rationalizing that keeps me from getting up in front.  My mind likes to spiritualize my reasoning for disobeying the leading of the Spirit.  It's frustrating to me that the enemy tricks us into thinking that Spirit is actually our flesh speaking, and our flesh speaking is actually the Spirit speaking.  It's sick that we fall for that over and over.  But I know that I have said yes to God, so I want to get over the rationalizing and spiritualizing my compromise.  It's always nice though when someone gives you that nudge when you can't figure it out on your own.  All that to say, I did a lot of dancing up front... dancing in worship, dancing a prophetic word over a woman and over the church leadership, activating others in dance up front, releasing freedom through dance etc...  It was so freeing to just do it without thinking about it.  And the workshop I lead was so fun!  I just shared from my heart what dance is to me and then I lead the group in different exercises of worship and prophecy through dance.  Many of them came up to me afterwards sharing how they experienced so much freedom.  One woman even started crying as I shared with her that her dance is a sacrifice of praise to the Lord!
      Honestly, it's hard for me to really share what God was doing in me over the trip.  I saw amazing things happen - 3 people healed from my word of knowledge, countless people touched by the love of Jesus, etc...  But the most influential thing to me was just His radical goodness towards me.  He cares so much about my love for dance that He continues to set me up for growth and increase.  Sometimes it just overwhelms me to think about.  That's just who He is.  Psalm 81:10 "Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it."
 

The View From Up Here

Well I'm finally settled in my new home on Deerfield Ave in the lovely Redding, California...  God is just so good!  It feels like this year has already been one upgrade after another.  It just keeps getting better and better.

Well to start it all off, we (My sister Gracie, my bestie Stephany, and myself) made the 22 hour track across the desert heading back to school.  Other than the rock hitting my windshield, my check engine light coming on half way there, and nearly running out of gas and getting stranded in the middle of no where, it was basically an uneventful drive.  None of that to say as a complaint, it actually helped make the drive a little bit more interesting.  Honestly though, the trip out was such a blessing from the Lord as I was able to spend so much time with my Stephany, who I haven't seen in 8 months and won't see again for another 4.  She was able to help us settle in and hang out for a week and then flew back to Denver for $2.50.  Praise Jesus!

And then comes our little yellow house.  So unassuming from the outside, but as we stepped through the front door, I could sense God's favor on us.  Even without furniture or anything in it, it instantly was home.  Everything about it feels like upgrade, even in the little things.  We have a kitchen big enough to dance in, windows in every room, a pool in the backyard...  And did I mention our landlords?  They are both elders at Bethel and are the sweetest people you will ever meet.  They did so much work on the house as well as spent much time praying over each of the rooms.  They also want to pour into us girls and we have already had dinner with them and have plans for a kayaking trip!

School - 2nd year BSSM... where do I even start?  I could spend a lot of time describing all the classes that have been absolutely phenomenal and life changing, but that would take an afternoon with a cup of tea.  So let me just say that again, I have been upgraded.  I feel like I have stepped into an entirely new dimension.  Last year was a lot of digging, tearing, refining, dying... you get the point.  It was all so good and totally worth it as I got so much breakthrough in my identity, but I honestly questioned coming back because I didn't want to be in that dimension any longer.  But everything is different.  I feel so much more like me.  It's weird to think back a year ago and see how not like me I was.  I don't really know how to explain it, but I just feel so alive.  I am able to be real with people, and not try to be somebody else.  I have started dreaming crazy big dreams again, dreams that are far bigger than me.  My heart seems to be growing.  I am seeing more opportunities than I am seeing boundaries.  

All this to say that I know that God is doing good things in me.  He far exceeds my expectations.  He is teaching me to simply trust Him, trust His goodness, trust that He delights to give me all that my heart desires.  I feel like I'm starting to see my world from His perspective.  He has such an incredible aerial view. It's great up here.  You should try it sometime!

Grace - So Much More Than a Good Idea

Recently the Lord has been taking me on this incredible journey into the immenseness and unthinkable mystery of His grace.  Grace is something that has been always before me, but somehow I never fully saw it.  It's as if I was always looking straight through it, but never directly focused on it.  It's weird to me that I could pay so little attention to something so essential as grace.  It is like the glue that holds basically... well EVERYTHING together.  Without the grace of God we would be no where.  We would be nothing.
So the question is - what is grace?  Is it God ignoring all our faults and flaws so that we can get into heaven?  Is it God giving us something we don't deserve?  Where does it begin?  Where does it end?  Something the Lord has been showing me is that everything that we know and experience in the Christian life is through grace.  Yes, I understood that it was only by God's grace that we are saved.  We can never be good enough to deserve eternal life.  But after we are saved, then what?  How much is God's grace really involved in our lives?  The answer is that His grace is so much more than just involved in our lives.  In fact, it's the other way around, our lives are involved in His grace now.  Because of His grace we are now in perfect union with the Father.  All self-effort is pointless.  Anything we can "do" cannot make us better Christians or help us grow closer to God.  We are ALREADY perfect saints and are ALREADY one with God.  This totally destroys all performance and striving.  How freeing to finally realize - I don't have to do anything!  Praying, reading the Word, ministering are all fruits of being one with God, but they don't help us grow closer to Him.
I just finished reading a book by John Crowder called "Mystical Union".  This book changed everything for me.  At first it was awesome and I could agree with everything he said.  But then he started talking about these radical things like oneness with God.  To be honest, this offended me.  It's comforting thinking that you have some sort of control on your life and relationship with God.  But as I was starting to see that is all truth I have no control, it offended my mind.  But I know that God often allows our minds to be offended so that we are presented with a choice.  The choice is to either reject this new idea because it's too difficult to understand, or to embrace it as being of God.  That's where I'm at right now.  I don't fully understand God's grace.  Actually I feel like I don't understand it at all.  It really doesn't make any logical sense.  But I can feel the life that comes from stepping into his grace.  It is like electricity to my spirit.  It makes me want to laugh and cry and dance and jump all at the same time.  So although it doesn't make sense, I am beginning to at least become aware of it's presence in my life.  It's like a very blurry image, but I can see that it's there.  So I jump head long into the river of His grace.  No looking back!

Whistle While You Work!

                                  
Work, work, work...  Once the best season in the year when you could play all day long, run around barefoot, go on vacations, see friends whenever you wanted, and stay up late.  Now it is the dreaded season for summer jobs, working endless hours at a job that you can't stand, coming home too tired to hang out with people, and sacrificing all thought of fun for the sake of a few hard earned bucks.  Tragic.
Because of countless first-hand reports that I had heard from friends on the subject, this happened to be my idea of what a summer job could and would look like.  And therefore I was beginning to dread the thought of summer.  As the days drew closer I became more and more nervous that my childhood summers of fun were about to come to a harsh end.  However... I learned enough this past year that I carry something in me that is so much greater than anything in the world.  Circumstances can not define my stances.  Hard situations cannot dampen my peace and my joy.  "I have found a peace that plows on through the storm.  I have found a joy that jumps over sadness."  This world cannot make me and it cannot break me.  I have the secret gift (or weapon) of my best friend - Holy Spirit.  So I determined in my heart that although this summer was different due to my first real summer job, I was not going to let it change my attitude.
And, praise the Lord, I was pleasantly surprised when I found out that I actually enjoy working!  I found myself laughing on the way home because contrary to many people's experiences, I loved my job!  God is so good like that.  He loves giving His kids good gifts.  And even when there are hard situations, it's not because He is punishing us, He is giving us the gift of an opportunity to grow.  I love that!
So all this to say that I really am enjoying having a summer job.  It keeps me busy and is bringing in some good finances.  AND I am finding that I have plenty of time to play and enjoy this summer just as much as any other summer.  PTL :)

Do Whatever Makes You Come Alive

Before we left BSSM, some students asked the leaders what they would recommend we do this summer to prepare for 2nd year.  Of course they shared about the importance of maintaining our secret place with the Lord.  But then they said something that came as somewhat of a shock, but a refreshing one.  They said, "Do whatever makes you come alive."  This was a new idea to me.  In the past I have had somewhat of a religious mindset.  I limited myself and even God by believing that the ONLY true good use of my time was alone with God in my prayer closet.  First you have to understand that the secret place alone with the Lord is my most cherished place.  I would rather waste my life at His feet than in doing any other self pursuit.  But when you write this as a law for yourself (I must spend ALL my free time in the prayer closet), you lose not only the value in your choice to be with God, but you also miss the joys that God has hidden for you in many different places and activities.  God is not a boring God!  So many times would I sacrifice doing something I enjoyed because I felt like it was an unholy waste of time.  Or I would feel guilty whenever I spent much time doing those things.  I believe God enjoys all the things we enjoy.  And we can still be in communion with God while doing those things.  I have come to realize how fast time really goes and I want to spend every moment to it's fullest potential.
So what do you enjoy?  What brings you life and fulfillment?  When do you feel the most alive?
As I've embraced this new freedom - freedom from the law - I HAVE found so much life an joy.  Within the last couple of weeks I have taken time to be crazy, laugh a lot, and do what used to seem like a waste of time.  From sipping tea while reading a fictional (gasp) book, to jumping on the trampoline.  Waving a cattail in the wind and watching the fluff be whisked away.  Watching the hysterical unfolding events as my little brothers try to sail their home-made boat (which unfortunately sank instead).  Talking with my best friend while swinging for hours.  Mastering the ancient technique of frisbee throwing in the park.  Walking around down town and getting mostly lost.  Day dreaming.  Finding my hidden creative being within.  Sitting down and intentionally tickling the ivories.  These are all things that have made me come alive and I am making it an unofficial summer goal to continue doing similar things alongside of my already established secret place with the Lord.  I think putting those together will make for one heck of a summer!