Waiting for the Storm

What to say?  I'm back in Ecuador, the Middle of the World, right on the equator with the brightest sun in the sky.  The season is still the same as when I left, seeing as there really are no defined seasons here.  And yet, hanging in the atmosphere is a thick knowing that the seasons have indeed changed.

What do I mean by that?

My time back at home for Christmas was relaxing, enjoyable, busy, fun, relational, refreshing, and much needed.  At the onset of the trip, I wondered if 4 weeks would feel too long.  Would I be constantly wishing I was back in Ecuador?  Would I be chomping at the bit to get back?  But those early questions came back to confuse me as I lay in my bed the night before my return journey.

Why am I not ecstatic about going back?  I love my life in Ecuador - I love my team, all the places we minister, the culture, etc...  So it would make sense that I would be over-the-top excited.  So why not?  This time spent at home, I have grown so much more passionate about our work and Casa Mis Sueños, so shouldn't I be ready to launch back in?

I wasn't dreading going back.  There was simply a lack of anticipation.  Where is the vision for 2013?  Where is the thrill of stepping into the "new thing"?  But as I talked with Jesus about all of this, all I kept hearing Him say was that things were going to be very different.

And different it most certainly has been!  Upon returning we have moved into a different house, registered for a 20 hr/wk spanish school, attended a training seminar for how to work with victims of sex-trafficking, and had our entire schedule from last year thrown out the window.

What's more, within the first few days I was slammed with spiritual warfare like a ton of bricks.  The second night I woke up with a fever and then spent the next 4 days at home in bed.  (I'm currently on antibiotics and am recovering.)  With this came an intense amount of fear.  I could sense the enemy suggesting the worst possible outcome to my heart.

Although I fought this with the Holy Spirit and was able to overcome, the next few days I battled so many other thoughts and feelings that were in direct opposition to my purpose.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE?  Do I even belong here?  Can I make it through 4 more months?

I shared this with my sister over Skype who was also feeling the exact same things.  Her roommate, who overheard our conversation, gave us a prophetic word that changed my perspective.  She told us that often times right before a tornado is about to hit, instead of raging wind and lightning, the air will go suddenly quiet and still.  She felt that that is where we are at right now.  Everything seems still and lifeless, like nothing is happening.  But we are in the very eve of this tornado that will come with a raging force.

Yes and Amen!  This word fully resounds with what I am now seeing is truth.  God IS doing something new in this season, but it is coming in a very different manner.  If all I know is to watch the sky for green clouds, hail, lightning or tornado sirens, I could very easily miss the tornado if it comes with stillness.  This is also true of how God speaks.  Often we grow accustomed to one way that He speaks to us.  But we must learn how to press into Him so that if He ever changes the way He speaks to us, we will not miss it.

With this revelation, I am growing more and more excited for this next season, no matter how different it may prove to be!