It was a beautiful day in South America; the brilliant sun that you find when living right on the earth's equator, beat directly upon me. I was laying in a pretty little spot behind my house in Quito, Ecuador, in a walled up garden in the middle of a 3 million person city. I needed the reprieve that garden had to offer. I needed the shelter of those walls. My emotions felt so exposed to this harsh world. The nearness of cruel reality was trying to swallow me whole.
It was there in the grass that I tried to process through what I was feeling and experiencing...
Earlier that day I sat with 20 little girls who were the victims of this cruel reality. Every one of them had been preyed upon by the dark souls of men. Sold into slavery, they had become subject to a living hell of having to sell their tiny bodies. And now, miraculously, they found themselves rescued out of the place of daily physical oppression. But were they really rescued? Were they not still slaves to torment? Were they not still oppressed by the darkness within themselves?
From the first day I met these broken yet beautiful souls, I struggled with this impossible question - what do I have to offer?
What do you say to someone so buried by pain you can't even see them when you look into their eyes? How can you express love through a hug when touch means absolutely nothing?
That morning I had held one of those precious ones in my arms, trying to break through to the spirit that was so hopelessly lost somewhere deep within herself. Tears slowly rolled down her dark little face, yet there was no emotion in her eyes. She didn't fight me holding her, yet neither did she respond to the love I offered, sitting there limp and lifeless like a used up dish-rag.
What do you do with that?
So I retreated to the garden, trying not to succumb to the despair I felt growing inside of me. Emotionally exhausted, I sprawled myself out on the grass, hoping for some alleviation from my turmoil. As I lay there, I felt Jesus come to me and say, "Ellie, I want to take you somewhere."
I was then with Him. We were both mounted on horses, standing on the ledge of a cliff overlooking an infinite valley. This valley was as far as the eye could see. A complete wasteland. No living thing to be found. And strewn across this valley was utter carnage. It was an unimaginable scene. A complete blood-bath. A holocaust unlike anything the earth had ever experienced. Bodies lay everywhere, not just covering the land, but covering the land in layers. There was not a single patch of land that was not covered in blood, filth and distorted flesh.
"Ellie, will you follow me?" Jesus asked the question I most dreaded to hear. I followed his gaze down towards the base of the cliff where there stood a vast and terrible gate. This was the gate of hell. So He wants to storm through the gate of hell? I couldn’t imagine how on earth we would be able to save them all, but I knew that I trusted Jesus. So yes, I would follow Him.
We started making our way down a path that was carved into the side of the cliff. It’s hard to call it a path, because it was more like a random connection of vertical rock faces hazardously protruding form the wall of the cliff. It was a meticulous process trying to guide our horses down the side of the cliff. It felt like the scene in The Return of the King, when Frodo, Sam and Gollum climb up the path into Mordor. But this was worse.
At any moment, I knew I could be joining the scene below me. I could feel the tension in my horse’s body, the strenuous breathing, the sweat on his sides, the sound of scraping from his hooves sliding on the rock. I had to lean back as far as I could, clinging on for dear life, afraid of passing out and sliding off the back of my horse. It felt like an endless path. We were literally dropping into hell. Would we ever reach the bottom?
But then we stopped.
We had reached the entrance that led to the gate. The gate of hell. We paused there for just a moment. A suspense-filled pause. But it wasn’t a hesitation. There was no doubt or uncertainty in the way Jesus stopped and faced Hell. It was a fixation of will. It was a determined pause. It was like the intentional breath of a symphony. An emphasis on what lay ahead.
As we proceeded forward I could feel everything within me screaming to turn around and save myself. Why would anyone ever willingly go into hell? But I knew why. I knew that Jesus had come to claim His just reward. He had paid the price to free every single person from hell. He couldn't just leave them there.
So I followed Him in.
The gate opened before us, receiving us in. It was as if it was glad to usher in more prisoners.
And then it shut behind us. Silence.
There was no movement in this place. It was completely stripped of life. We stood there at the gate. There was nowhere to go. The carnage pressed itself against the door step of hell. My head began to spin. My breathing came in short gasps. I could not focus my vision on anything. The immensity of everything began to impede on my normal body functions. It took all my will power to restrain myself from throwing up or passing out. The screaming in my head just got louder. There was nothing we could do against this. Even with an army of 100,000, all with horses and carts, there was no way we could do anything against the vast number of casualties. The hope was sucked out of my soul.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jesus dismount. Again I followed His gaze and found that it was completely fixed on a body that lay closest to the gate. Jesus fell to His knees where the body lay. As I looked closer, I saw that the body had to have been a girl, maybe 10 years old judging by her size. But it was difficult to make out any human features. She was a distorted mess of flesh, completely torn to shreds. There was nothing left to her. I saw that her chest was still rising and falling, but even that thread of life was so weak and hopeless.
I watched as Jesus wrapped His arms around her frail body and whispered the words, “I will love you. I will love you. I will love you.” With strength and determination He scooped her up, her frame being but a vapor that I knew would escape at any moment.
Jesus mounted His horse and then looked at me. “Ellie, will you follow me?” My stomach completely dropped. I thought that once inside of hell, I would be begging Jesus to leave again. But choosing to follow Him out was even more difficult.
You are going to leave with just one? And one that has no hope of surviving? We risked everything to get down here. I followed you into Hell to take back what has been stolen! At least we have to save as many numbers as we can.
But there was urgency in the way Jesus looked at me and asked that question, “Ellie, will you follow me?” Time was everything. So I turned my horse to follow His.
I braced myself to make my way up the path again, but then the scene changed. We were in an open prairie with a flat, endless road stretching out in front of us. We were galloping. Jesus’ arms braced the girl as we raced forward. What lay at the end of this road? I didn’t know. But we pressed on. It was as if Jesus was furiously fighting a battle against time, distance and space, with a sword in His hand. Nothing would be able to stand in the way of His passion. There was nothing He wouldn’t do to save this tiny girl.
I looked down to where the girl sat, tucked away against Jesus’ chest, wildly bouncing with the galloping of the horse. And then it happened... The thread snapped. The last breath of life slipped away.
The horses came to an abrupt halt. Somehow they knew. The pounding of my heart within my head threatened my consciousness. Jesus again dismounted and knelt to the ground, this time with her empty body. I fell to the ground, a desperation that I had never felt before surfacing within my entire being. The screaming that had been in my head before, now violently escaped my lips.
“WHY?!!!!!” Fury hit me like a storm. WHY?!!!! You knew that she was going to die? Why did you do it? Why did you take me with you all the way into hell when you knew that it was a futile mission? Why did you leave all the others to try to save a life that was already gone? Why would you risk your life and waste your breath when you knew that she was just going to die in your arms? Why, Jesus, WHY?!!!
Jesus remained kneeling with her tiny body still in His arms. Bending over and slowly rocking, He pressed His forehead against hers and whispered the words, “I will love you.” He wiped the crusted blood from her eyes. “I will love you.” He ran His fingers through her matted hair, slowly working His way through the tangles. “I will love you.” He kissed every one of her scars.
And then He released a cry to the heavens that silenced my accusations and made my heart stand still. It was a cry that ached with all the emotion that had ever been experienced by earth. It seemed to stretch on endlessly.
But slowly it died off. Then I heard the words, “Ellie, will you follow me?”
I had no strength left. I lay pressed against the earth, feeling like I could just melt away, become part of the ground beneath me or just be blown off into nothingness. I was empty of everything. But somehow I was overpowered by a strength that was not my own. I found myself being peeled from the dust, though no hands touched me.
We turned off the road, no longer on our horses but on foot, to a beautiful oasis in the middle of the desert. In the center there was a beautiful pond. The water in this pond goes beyond description. The water was liquid Life. It was crystal clear yet the deepest blue imaginable. It was pure Light. Jesus gently lowered her now lovely body into the water. No longer was she stained, scarred, broken or bloody. Her chestnut hair lay in tousled curls over her shoulders. A faint but gentle smile graced her lips. Her clear face spoke of untold joys. She was clothed in a white dress and wore a crown of flowers. It was how she was originally created. As she slowly sank into the water, she exploded in light and then disappeared.
I still could not wrap my mind around what had just happened. Jesus turned His face to heaven.
“Father, receive this precious one today. Take her into your arms and hold her. Rejoice for I have delivered your daughter to the gates of heaven today. She is fully restored. Today we have victory for this one has found her way home to You.”
Jesus stood and began to leave. But then He turned back. This time His gaze was completely fixed on me. His eyes burned with such fire and passion. I trembled inside. “Who are you?” I was barely able to whisper. The fire in His eyes spoke to my spirit.
I am Alpha and Omega. I am the Beginning and the End. I am the First and the Last. I am Lord over all. I am Ruler of heaven and earth. I am King of kings. I am the perfect Lamb of God. I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I am Salvation. I am Heaven. I am Eternity. And I am Love.
Then He spoke those words again. I knew what they meant. I knew what they meant before they were even spoken. This was not a one time thing. Jesus had a crazy obsession with "the one." He would stop for the one. He would fight for the one. He would risk it all for the one. He would die for the one. Nothing would stop Him. Numbers would not stop Him from His focus on the one. Everything He did for the one was worth it, even if He knew she would die in His arms on the road to freedom. It was worth it to Him. She was worth it.
So, not for the last time He asked me, “Ellie, will you follow me?”
No comments:
Post a Comment