Back From the Middle of the World

How do you try to describe something that was experienced but not fully understood?  How do you put to words something that goes deeper than the mind can comprehend?  We use words that cannot even come close in doing those experiences justice.  I find myself struggling with this very thing as I come back from my missions trip to Ecuador.  "How was your trip?"  "Amazing.  So good.  Life changing.  I loved it."  But how can any of those statements really describe what happened,  not only on the trip but also in my heart?  So as I continue to process all that the Lord did in and through me, I find that the best way to share with others is by telling stories.  Although it feels, in a way, shallow compared to what really happened, I know it is a necessary in helping to keep those experiences alive in me.  And of course, I want to share with everyone about my incredible time in Ecuador!
The second week of the trip continued on with just as much diversity as the first week.  At times, this was difficult for me.  I just wanted to stay wherever we were at because I loved it so much and I wanted to invest time there.  But then we would go to another place or ministry and I would love that one just as much.  So even though it was hard going from one place to the next, I ended up being blessed by every place we went to.  The Lord was also teaching me about embracing wherever I am, not worrying about whether or not I'm in the right place or doing the right thing.  He taught me to love on whoever is in front of me.  Things don't always happen as we would like them to, but as we learn to abandon ourselves to simply love, we get the most out of every moment that we possibly can.
We did a lot of children's ministry that week.  We went to a home for kids with special needs.  Such a beautiful experience.  One of the girls had just had her 15th birthday, so we brought in a full blown party to celebrate her.  Balloons, silly string, music, dancing, cake, and songs.  That, my friends, is ministry at it's finest.  We had no agenda in going there but to celebrate each of these kids by being with them and bringing smiles to their faces.  These kids never got visitors, so for them, those couple of hours were a treat.
Another day we went to a Christian school in a poorer community in Quito.  This community had experienced a lot of traumatic experiences the past year with gangs molesting children on an on going basis.  Our team wanted to bring some type of hope and restoration so decided to do some street art for and about the kids.  This piece of art was to remind the community of who these kids really were and who they could become.  It was "El Futuro", the future pasted before the communities eyes.  We also got to work with the kids doing different workshops on healing and the prophetic.  These kids were so beautiful and it was such a fun time pouring into such worthy investments.
One of my favorite things that we did was pouring into the workers and directors of the different ministries.  I absolutely love getting to minister to those people who are constantly pouring their lives out for others.  Seeing them get touched by the Holy Spirit as we spoke words of life, destiny, and encouragement over them was an absolute highlight for me.  One particular day, we got to minister to our translators and the leaders of the Global Children's Movement - the ministry that we were partnered with.  After a few short minutes of splitting everyone up into groups and spreading out in the room, the room became this beautiful mess of intense prayer and prophesy, tears of deep emotion, hearts in love with Jesus put on display.  I loved it!  As I participated and later just stepped back and watched, I became so overwhelmed by the goodness of God that was evident everywhere.  I felt led to dance as God was stirring in my spirit to release something over these beautiful people.  I don't know exactly what it was that He was having me release, but I really felt like He was doing something in the spirit as I danced.
The last piece that I want to share about is some of the more evangelistic ministry that we did.  Now, let me start off by saying that I have never seen evangelism as my thing.  Of course I know that we are all called to evangelize and spread the Gospel, but I also know that that looks different according to each person's calling.  So for me, evangelism doesn't normally look like approaching strangers on the street.  So needless to say, I wasn't jumping up and down when we were going to do evangelism.  But as we went, the Lord was so gracious.  Although I was stretched, it felt easy and natural to share the love of Jesus with people.  We went to Plaza Fosh, the red-light district in downtown Quito.  We were hoping to minister to prostitutes, but unfortunately it was pouring rain that night and none of the girls were out.  But we still went out and saw God move regardless of the contrary weather.  My group got to talk to a bunch of different drug dealers on the street.  We started out simply offering hot chocolate that we had in a thermos.  From there we asked them if the had pain in their bodies and if we could pray for them.  We saw a women healed of stomach pain and another women healed of an intense head ache.  I got to speak to one lady about hearing the voice of God and we prayed for her to feel God's presence.  We talked to one man who wanted healing for his heart.  He said that he knew that he wasn't right spiritually and that he wanted to be. We got to pray with him for salvation and he felt God's presence over his body like an energy!  Another day we went into a maternity hospital for women who couldn't afford a doctor.  For this reason, many of the babies had issues.  It was incredible being there in a room of 30 women and having the opportunity to pray for each of them.  So many were touched by God's love and peace as we prayed over some pretty scary situations.  One lady had just had a C-section because of twins and was in intense pain where the surgery was done.  We prayed for her a couple of times and the pain completely left.  She was in tears as she praised the Lord and thanked us for coming.  We also got to speak to her about what an incredible mother she was going to be and the destinies that her children had.  I was blown away at the fact that we could even be there.  I kept thinking, "there is no way I could ever do this in the states!"  So the favor and open doors that we had while we were there was amazing.
So in coming back, I have a lot to think about.  I mean A LOT to think about - processing through what God did on the trip, processing through my Bethel experience as it comes to a close, trying to get clarity on what I'm doing over the summer, and then considering different internships for the fall.  Aye aye aye!  But I'm trying not to think too much, because most of what the Lord is doing in my life right now is deep things in my spirit.  The mind can't comprehend the spirit, so it gets frustrated when it tries.  So even though there is so much transition I am going through at the moment, I cling to God's goodness and His ever abiding presence.  I feel Him in the midst of the craziness and I know that I have nothing to worry about.  I am so undone by Him and what He has done over the past month in my life.  So why should I worry or why should I freak out?  He so intimately knows me and what it is I need.
Thank you all for your prayers!
Oh and PS I got 180 mosquito bites on my legs!  Just thought I should add that in somewhere.

Adventure is out there!

Hello from South America!!! It has been one full week since we set out on this grand adventure. I feel like Carl and Russel on Pixar's UP, traveling in South America with Paradise Falls as their "mission". Their adventure didn't turn out at all as they planned; they encountered so many mishaps on the way, yet every setback along the road actually made it the beautiful story that it is. Although I didn't get to travel via balloons attached to my house and I have yet to meet a snipe... my own story has taught me similar lessons. It's so easy to get caught up in what my "mission" is and how my picture perfect experience looks like, but often when that happens, I can miss many valuable experiences that are happening all around me. We talk about how the Cross was always Jesus's mission, but if that's the only thing he was ever focused on, the blind man would never have been healed, the dead girl would never have been raised, the crowds would never have been fed... He could have come, gone straight to the Cross and got it over with as fast as possible. But He didn't. He embraced every moment and what the Father had for Him in that moment.

I think the hardest moment to hold onto that truth was when I had already missed the first day of going out and was listening to the doctor tell me the news: I have a throat infection and  will have to stay at home for at least two days, but if I'm not better by the, it could be to tonsillitis. Noooooooo!!!!!!!! :( Of course I was declaring healing over myself and having all of my team surround me and agree. But the reality was, I was stuck at home. But what started as a disappointment and lots of frustration, turned into a day of blessings. I was able to able to rest, connect with my host sister (who was also stuck at home with an infection), got incredible quality time with Holy Spirit, and got to process through what God is doing in my heart. But then, surprise surprise, I felt so good the next day that I was able to go with the team.

Every day has been completely different. It's been like trying a sample chocolate box, so many different flavors of ministries here in Quito, Ecuador and all so uniquely beautiful!  One day we spent doing construction and cleaning at Casa de mis Suenos - House of my Dreams. This is a new ministry that is starting that will be a home for girls coming out of sex trafficking. It was an amazing opportunity to get to pour into a place that is going to be so full of new life and hope for these girls. Another day we spent at a feeding center. The people who ran the ministry had faithfully fed 100 kids every day from this village. Their servants hearts blew me away! We did VBS style meeting with the kids, teaching them about their importance and identity in Christ. I came so alive in that setting, playing with the kids, singing Spanish songs, eating with the people, helping in the kitchen. It made me think of Juarez and all my trips with IFM.

My favorite day so far, I went with a group from the team way out into the country to a town called Ambato. We went to visit a house of 6 elderly brothers and sisters. They had lived there their whole lives, having been abandoned by everyone else because of mental disabilities. Of the 6, only two can speak and communicate to a degree, only three can walk, and only one can work in the garden. No one is there to take care of them. They wear clothes that would be better to throw away but we didn't because they are so attached to their clothes from wearing the same ones for months on end. They live in houses that are full of filth from living with their farm animals. It was such a tragic situation but these people were so beautiful. It was such an honor to be able to go in, deep clean their house, shake out their clothes and bedding, shower them, cut her their hair, trim their nails, and then sit and smile with them. The love they have for each other will forever stay with me. Although we didn't see any healing when we prayed for them, I could see the joy and the life in their eyes. I know Jesus is constantly with them, taking care of them, holding their dear wrinkled hands in His own. His heart is for the least of these and these people truly were. The other part of the team had an incredible day of hearings and over 15 people getting saved and experiencing the presence of God! I rejoice in their testimony and wish I could have been there, but I wouldn't have traded this day for anything in the world.

I am now spending two days in the rain Forrest. Hasta luego!

It's time to DISENGAGE!

Just over 24 hours and I am on my way to the most life changing adventure in my life to date!  What is running through my mind at the moment? - you might ask.  A million and one things are flying down the highway of my thought life.  There are the logistical thoughts, everything from my packing lists to when I'm going to shower before I leave.  Do I keep the heat on in the house for the cat?  What music should I have on my iPod?  To bring my laptop, or not to bring my laptop?  Can I eat all the food in the fridge before I leave?  How do I become fluent in 2 days?  The list goes on...  Then I am also mentally, emotionally, spiritually preparing for the trip itself.  How can I be praying for the people on my team?  What connections does the Lord want me to make?  What breakthrough am I contending for?  How am I going to be pushing myself in risk on the trip?  Et cetera, et cetera.  It's crazy how active our minds can become if we give them the space to.  I'm finding that the more I let my run like mad, the harder it is to still the activity.

I heard something in class the other day that completely wrecked me...  Apparently, Heidi Baker was once speaking at a conference where many prestigious, religious leaders were in attendance.  They were expecting some great sermon to be delivered by the renowned Heidi Baker, but Heidi was only able to utter 4 words.  She pointed to her head, "too big," then pointed to her heart, "too small."  As she repeated this sequence of words and actions, people began to break under the anointing of her message.  We have let our heads outgrow are hearts.

Since my ministry trip 2 weeks ago, the Lord has been speaking to me about letting go of control and my need to understand.  My ministry trip was to Meridian Idaho with Joaquin Evans.  Anyone who knows Joaquin knows that any sort of ministry with him will be without any formula or pattern.  His life message is all about the presence of God - we already have the fullness of Christ within us, all we have to do is become aware of what we have, GRACE, it's soooo easy, Ha Ha Ha! (If you know Joaquin, you'll get that :-) )  In the past, I have had a difficult time whenever listening to him speak.  It's like my mind is fighting against what he is saying.  Again, a million thoughts run through my mind... He says it's easy, but I'm not feeling anything.  Am I not focusing hard enough?  Am I doing something wrong?  God, I want to be that hungry for more of your presence, but I'm just not there.  Everyone else is experiencing you and getting whacked, is it OK that I'm not or should I press into what they're experiencing?  Is this God or is this me?.... You get the idea.  Needless to say, I have gotten a TON of breakthrough from many of my insecurities in comparing myself to others.  However, going on the trip with Joaquin did bring back some of those same thoughts.  As my mind was racing, God began to speak to me, "Ellie, you are trying to come up with answers for things that you understand and are creating false theologies that justify why you aren't experiencing my presence.  Stop trying to figure everything out and just embrace me like a child!"

It was the following week that I heard about Heidi's message.  At first, it simply struck me as a beautiful analogy, but the Lord reminded me of it later that day.  The process was somewhat of a pile of tears as I came to some painful realizations...  I have limited God to what I can understand or comprehend.  So often my head gets in the way of what God is doing.  I try to figure out a spiritual kingdom with my physical mind.  It just doesn't work!  The kingdom of God is to be experienced, not analyzed.  It's not a concept, it's a tangible reality.  Yes, God is gives us the spirit of wisdom and understanding, but it is only to lead us into encounters with Him.  If it knowledge does not lead us into an encounter, it just gives us bigger heads and robs our hearts.  My heart's cry is that I would know God as fully God, not just the parts that make sense.

I was skyping one of my closest friends, Stephany, and she was praying for me and my trip.  She said, "I got this word for you and it's kind of funny.  I heard, 'it's time to disengage!'"  Right away I knew what that meant.  A smile crept up my face as she continued.  She said she felt like I needed to let go of my head and not try to understand everything.  So in preparation for the trip, I have really felt like the Lord is leading me to go into this missions trip with a child like spirit, embracing the excitement and the movement of the spirit, without the need to understand what's going on.  I am partnering with grace and letting Him increase the size of my heart.  God lead me by my heart!

Invitation to Ecuador!

I am again blown away at how quickly this year has flown by!  I am now only a  week from finishing my first semester of 2nd year at Bethel School of Ministry in Redding, CA.  Most of you know at least a little bit about what I am doing.  My 2nd year at school has been absolutely phenomenal!  I feel like it has been an entirely higher level of ministry training.  1st year was all about identity and really learning how to be human beings before we become “human doings”.  This year has been building off of that foundation, but we are now being trained on how to now create the culture around us that has been cultivated in us.  This has been so good for me!  Some of the things the Lord has been highlighting to me this year:  1) Community - It is so important to move from independence into interdependence.  We are the Body of Christ!  2) Dreaming with God - The Lord has been really encouraging me to go after the dreams that are in my heart. 3) Trusting over Knowing - I don’t have to have all the answers.  I just need to in the goodness of my God.

I now am presented with another opportunity to grow and take what I have learned outside of school.  I have been chosen to go on a missions trip to Ecuador with an incredible team of people.  There are a couple of reasons I applied for this specific trip.  First of all, I love the Latin American culture and the Spanish language.  It is a culture so full of life!  Also, this trip is focused on bringing heaven’s justice to situations that are distorted by social injustices.  This is a huge passion of mine!  Finally, this trip is partnered with Jennifer Toledo and Global Children’s Movement.  Jennifer has had an incredible impact on my life through her testimony of radical obedience to God which led her to the nations.  It is such an honor to be able to see her ministry in action!

If grace is grace, then work is no longer work (Rom. 11:6). There is nothing like encountering God's love with someone who has never known that He loves them! It's not hard to love God and it's such a blissful joy to share it with street kids, prostitutes, kids in youth prisons etc. We will be serving and supporting the existing ministries and churches who pour their hearts and lives into the people of Quito, Ecuador, day after day.

Our team will meet up with social justice rockstars Jennifer and Jonaton Toledo. Through their connections we will have amazing opportunities, releasing mercy and justice in youth prisons, ministering to and feeding malnourished children, distributing supplies, loving on and healing women and their babies in the nation’s largest maternity hospital for impoverished families, ministering downtown, as well as ministering to believers through a conference.

I would absolutely love it if you would prayerfully consider joining my support team as I prepare for this amazing adventure and also while I am there.  The trip itself is for 17 days near the end of March into early April, but the preparation time is just as important.  If you would like to jump onto my prayer team and get updates, just shoot me an email and I will put you on a list.  Also, I will be blogging about my journey up until the trip, while I am there, and after I get home. I am also looking for people who feel led to sow into this missions trip financially.  Please know that I so appreciate however you choose to support me!

Financial gifts may be made online at ibssm.org. This gift is tax-deductible and you will receive a statement at the end of the year for your tax records. If you wish your gift to be anonymous, please check the anonymous box. This will allow you to receive an end of year statement, but will not allow me to see your name. This gift is non-refundable, and if for any reason I or my team does not go, the money will support another mission trip sponsored by Bethel Church.

I pray that our Father would radically bless you in this season of your life and that His love would fill you daily.

Ellie Stailey

2245 Deerfield Ave

Redding, CA 96002

Will You Choose Me?

Taking notes with Glory (the cat)

This past week in 2nd year we started our preaching project.  Everyone in 2nd year gets to preach to a group of about 30 other students and 1 leader.  We each have 10 minutes to preach and then 5 minutes of feedback.  So I know what you're thinking... 10 minutes, really?  You could take that entire time to tell one story.  My thoughts exactly.  How am I supposed to develop an entire sermon in 10 minutes?  I can't even take a shower in 10 minutes, or make my lunch in 10 minutes!  So in one respects it would appear to be a fairly simple project.  Get a good scripture, explain what it means, and give some revelation.  Done!  Oh, but let me tell you, sermon prep is not that easy.  Sure, if I wanted to talk on something random, just pulled something out of the hat, I could easily have done it.  But I wanted to share something that had been stirring in my heart for 6 months.  How do you summarize 6 months of process and revelation in that amount of time?  Well, three full afternoons, many long chats with Jesus, lots of brain food, and 22 pages of notes later, I felt like I was starting to know what my sermon was going to be about!
Now that you have an idea of the process... about my preaching.  I was the last of 5 to preach on Tuesday. I won't say I wasn't trembling on the inside or that I didn't have that moment of panic at the thought of "What if I forget everything once I'm up there?"  But I did it, and it was great!
A summary on the summary of my past 6 months/sermon...  I titled it "Will You Choose Me?" and the theme was - Jesus doesn't always make sense, but He wants to know, will you still choose Him?  I spoke out of John 6:56, 60-69.  In this text, Jesus addresses the offense His disciples have because they couldn't understand His sermon on the need to eat His flesh and drink His blood.  (Who would understand something that crazy?!)  But instead of explaining Himself, He told them that they were offended because they were trying to understand by the flesh, or through their own ability to understand.  The problem was that Jesus words were spirit.  They were looking for rational explanations from a spiritual God.  It just doesn't work that way.  So Jesus purposefully offended them to see how they would respond.  Would they allow their offense to drive them away from Jesus, or would they let it drive them closer in relationship with Him?  Relationship has always been the standard for God.  He wants to know if we can get past our right to understand and have everything make perfect sense to us, and see if we will still choose Him when it doesn't.  Can we choose Him when things aren't lining up the way we expected?  Can we choose Him when we aren't seeing the answers to our prayers?  Can we choose Him when we feel offense rising inside of us?  My challenge was that all of us would come to a place where, yes, we still seek God for answers, but that we could say "God I want you more than I want answers.  So I choose you."
So there you have it!  I have successfully finished my preaching project.  But not to worry, there will be more to come :)

The Other Side of Things

"Ministry Trips"... this is a hot topic here at Bethel.  You can find students talking about it everyday.  Testimony after testimony of God "blowing the place up" (figuratively and positively speaking, for those unfamiliar with the Bethel lingo), healings in massive meetings, salvations on airplanes, signs and wonders, etc...  This is an idealistic dream for any Bethel student, to be able to travel with one of the senior leaders and see the miraculous show up.  This past weekend, however was what I consider the other side of ministry.
Don't get me wrong, I love crazy side of ministry.  But I'm beginning to realize that sometimes the most powerful ministry can look very different from what we would expect.  I have been there and back again, my latest ministry trip to Valparaiso, Indiana.  Bethel has a sister church in Valpo that has a School of Ministry.  The purpose of the trip was for Eric & Candace Johnson to speak at the school, minister to the leaders of the school/church, and to speak Sunday morning.  For us 2nd years (there were three of us all together), we joked around afterwards that we got ministered to more than we actually ministered the entire trip.  Honestly though, the only formal ministry we did the entire 4 days we were there was 15 minutes of prophecy during the School of ministry, and doing the prayer line Sunday morning.
So what is ministry when it's not the big show?  What I learned is that it all boils down to relationship.  That was the main thing we did on our trip.  We hung out with the students the entire time and just did relationship.  It was fantastic!  I didn't have to say the right words, do the right things, or be someone other than myself.  I was just me and let the Spirit flow out of me.  It was the most natural form of ministry, and it was no less ministry than all the other forms.
I have been reading the gospel of John and something that I have noticed is that most of the time Jesus' ministry flowed out of relationship.  He was simply talking with the Samaritan Woman and her life was completely transformed.  He was simply having dinner with Nicodemus and He was able to unpack the foundations of Christianity.  He wasn't hitting the streets in order to see miracles happen.  Miracles happened when He was just being Himself.  It was flowing from His true identity.
A few things that happened as we were just being ourselves and hanging out with people, we were able to teach a visitor how to hear God's voice, we helped a single mom rake out her back yard, we prophesied over students and the church leadership, we saw a couple of backs healed, and we got to pray for all sorts of people in different situations.  So fun!

Kingdom Creativity Released

       Well I have gone and done my first ministry trip as an official 2nd year student!  I can't believe it's already come and gone a week and a half ago.
       So last weekend I went down with a group of 14 to Santa Rosa, CA.  The event was a creativity conference with Theresa Dedmon, so I already had an inkling that this was going to be a trip where I would get stretched and activated.  For those of you who don't know, Theresa heads up anything and everything that has to do with the arts at Bethel.  She has an incredible vision to redeem the arts as something that God created for us as an expression of His creativity as well as ours, and to invade all realms of society with that art and creativity.  She is also known as one who will give her team nice big nudges into things that they have never done before:  prophetically singing over people, painting on stage, prophetically dancing over people, etc...  I have a huge passion to see dance as well as other forms of creativity to influence society, so it has been in my heart to travel with Theresa.  I also knew I wanted to be stretched and activated.  So I was more than thrilled when I got accepted to go.

Prophetic Painting Sunday Morning

       You know that God is going to stretch you when you feel your stomach drop and your mind starts going a hundred miles an hour thinking of how you can escape to anywhere else.  It's like the "wanna get away?" commercials.  Well I first felt that feeling when, in our meeting, Theresa announced that her main dancer was unable to make the trip and she needed someone to teach a dance workshop at the conference.  First of all, this was 2 days before we left.  Second of all, the workshop was called "DUI - Dancing Under the Influence".  Great...  Don't get me wrong, I love teaching and I love dance, so to get this opportunity was totally a God thing.  But I have only ever taught technique and choreography.  I'm still learning what it looks like to dance in the spirit.  In fact, I gave up dancing for a year and only just recently gained vision for it again.  Really God?  You want me to teach?  Well, praise be to God, I said yes instead of hiding.  And He was so gracious to me.  The whole ministry trip was such a safe environment to step out.  It was such a beautiful time ministering to this church body and allowing the Holy Spirit to use the gifts that He has given each of us.

Prophetic Dance over Woman

       The first night I was pretty much pushed up front during worship to dance.  I'm still learning what it looks like to put aside my inner-rationalizing that keeps me from getting up in front.  My mind likes to spiritualize my reasoning for disobeying the leading of the Spirit.  It's frustrating to me that the enemy tricks us into thinking that Spirit is actually our flesh speaking, and our flesh speaking is actually the Spirit speaking.  It's sick that we fall for that over and over.  But I know that I have said yes to God, so I want to get over the rationalizing and spiritualizing my compromise.  It's always nice though when someone gives you that nudge when you can't figure it out on your own.  All that to say, I did a lot of dancing up front... dancing in worship, dancing a prophetic word over a woman and over the church leadership, activating others in dance up front, releasing freedom through dance etc...  It was so freeing to just do it without thinking about it.  And the workshop I lead was so fun!  I just shared from my heart what dance is to me and then I lead the group in different exercises of worship and prophecy through dance.  Many of them came up to me afterwards sharing how they experienced so much freedom.  One woman even started crying as I shared with her that her dance is a sacrifice of praise to the Lord!
      Honestly, it's hard for me to really share what God was doing in me over the trip.  I saw amazing things happen - 3 people healed from my word of knowledge, countless people touched by the love of Jesus, etc...  But the most influential thing to me was just His radical goodness towards me.  He cares so much about my love for dance that He continues to set me up for growth and increase.  Sometimes it just overwhelms me to think about.  That's just who He is.  Psalm 81:10 "Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it."