Sink or swim, preferably swim.

Immersion...

What a wonderful concept.  When this word is spoken, immediately our minds elicit pictures of diving head first into a body of water.  We think of synonymous words like engulfed, submerged, saturated, etc...  Or maybe we think of immersion in terms of what we are giving of ourselves - like being immersed in some job or activity, being so fully preoccupied with something that you think of nothing else.  Becoming lost in what you are doing.  Giving a hundred and ten percent.  Being are fully committed.

But before you are thrown into a completely foreign culture, these thoughts, concepts, pictures and what have you, can only take you so far in preparing.  When you actually taste of full-on immersion, you realize it is so much more in real life.

This is what I have come to realize about immersion in the short time that I have been here in Ecuador...  There is no way out once you have been immersed.  There is not the option of testing the waters and deciding whether or not you are ready to swim.  It is to watch the last boat sail away into the distance as you stand on a deserted island.  It is not conditional based on how much you think you can handle.  I think as an American, this is incredibly different.  We are so used to having finding the easy route if we think something is too difficult.  We are used to having the ability to choose how much we want to give to something.  But once you are truly immersed, those comforts are no longer at the tips of your fingers.

And I have found that immersion affects so much more than what I was anticipating.  It is shifting EVERYTHING from the way I am used to living, to an entirely new way of living.  It is changing not only the way I speak, but the way I think, the way I interact with people, the way I eat, my habits, my normal living activities, etc...  And it's not easy.  Everything is process.  I cannot take swimming lessons in a baby pool and then expect to be a pro once I get thrown into the middle of the ocean.

But it's worth it!  It's so worth working for.  As every day goes by I become more and more determined to learn how to live in this culture and to adjust my "norm".  I do NOT want to go through my time here fighting against the things that I am not used to.  I want to embrace the beauty of this entire experience!

And it has been beautiful!  Honestly, even though it is difficult and I get frustrated at how much I still have to learn, my favorite moments so far have been the I-have-no-idea-what-is-going-on-and-have-no-way-to-figure-it-out kind of moments.  I find myself in the middle of situations where I feel like I watching some sport that has never been explained to me.  I so enjoy watching the interactions between people, the expressiveness, the rapid "everyone speaking at once", and the laughter.  I understand some phrases here and there, but honestly have no grasp on what is being said.  And then there is freak out moment when some comment is directed at me and I realize that everyone is waiting for me to respond. Yes!  Even though it's scary, it has been so fun pushing myself in these situations and than laughing with others when I completely blow it.

Yes, immersion is a beautiful thing and I am so excited to get to be in the very center of it right now.  So far this has been some of the faces of immersion these past couple of weeks...

Filming a promo for "Casa Mis Sueños".

Ecuadorian Zumba in the park. Yes they are laughing at us!

The beautiful 5th graders I have had the pleasure of working with.

Baking for a women's conference this weekend.

So it begins...

"Happy Day 5," my dear house mate Lynda said as we sat squished together in the back of a taxi this morning.  Is it really only the fifth day that I'm here.  Absolutely crazy!  With everything that has happened during the time that I have been here, and with the level of exhaustion that I have hit, it feels more like I have been here for a month.  I didn't expect that, having been here once before, but this time is different, this time I am re-learning how to live.  I'm not being given a week's itinerary and mentally preparing for a grueling 2 weeks of mission work.  I am being presented with my life for the next 9 months and having to prepare for adjusting my entire life.  It's incredible!

First of all, my mind has been on a perpetual treadmill on the highest speed setting, trying to keep up with the language while taking in everything new in my environment.  I absolutely love being daily pushed in my Spanish!  Coming in, I was so nervous about speaking, but it's so natural to throw myself out there even when I am completely mutilating what I am trying to say.  I have laughed more, talked about more interesting and ridiculous topics, and fallen more in love with this beautiful language than ever before.  This week we started having our lovely Spanish teacher come to our house.  It's been fun working on the language in a classroom setting again, but honestly, I have been growing more around our kitchen table, talking with the maids - Rosa and Patricia - and the Abuela (Grandma) - Made.  We over exaggerate words, frequently give each other confused looks, and after much work and laughter we eventually understand what is trying to be said.  So fun!

The two other girls that I am living with and interning with are Carly and Lynda.  I am absolutely honored to be working with two of the most incredible women I have ever met.  Both of them are from Alaska.  I did 2nd year with Lynda where we met on a ministry trip and later got to know each other while on our missions trip to Ecuador in the spring.  Carly did BSSM a year before me and was in LA this past year, working with Jenn Toledo and her ministry in the States.  She also was on the trip in the spring.  It has been so good having these ladies with me!  Even in the short amount of time that I have been here, it has been such a relief to have people to process with especially being introduced to so many new things.

As far as the internship goes, this week has been a crash-course, introducing us to many of the things we will be involved in.  Most of the work that we will be doing as interns will be done alongside our official 3rd year mentor, Sabri and her sister, Mela.  Again, I could not ask for two more incredible women to work under and learn from.  It is so beautiful to see the hearts these women have for what they do.  The love that they have for the nation of Ecuador is absolutely contagious.  I listen to them talk to us and I can feel my heart just expanding with love, vision, passion, hope, etc...  I cannot wait to work with these women!  Mela will be working full time on "Casa Mis Sueños," the safe house they are opening for girls who have been sexually abused and/or trafficked.  (I will write in detail about the vision and the work we are doing there when I have more time.)  So we will be working alongside Mela with anything that has to do with the house.  And then we will be working with Sabri in most everything else we are doing... youth prisons, feeding center, church home groups, etc...  As far as right now, we don't exactly know what we will be doing on a regular basis, but I think it's going to be one of those things that will worked out with time.

And finally, we will be working at a small Christian immersion school as English teachers.  We went on Wednesday for our first day - my experience... Ay ay ay!!!  Talk about culture shock.  We were completely thrown in without any explanation on how things work, training on how to teach, or forewarning as far as what was expected of us.  I have been assigned to a 5th grade class, which is students ages 8-9, and I will be with them all day.  There is a head teacher, but she would sporadically come up to me, hand me the text book, and say, "OK you teach this to them in English."  This is an immersion school, so they teach all their classes partially in English, but most of the kids in my class only know a few basic sentences.  The fact that she wanted me to teach science, math, social studies, etc... simply because I speak English, was simply overwhelming.  The first couple of times she did this to me, I just stared back at her having no idea what she wanted me to do.  In my mind - "This is literally being thrown into something where I have NO qualifications, but OK."  I did my best and hoped that was what the teacher was wanting me to do.  I still have no idea!  And then there were a few times where they put me into a "speaking" class, without any other teacher, and just told me to "speak."  "Ummm... OK."  Lord Jesus give me grace!  But the kids are wonderful!  They are completely precious and so loving.  Every single one of them stole my heart, and it is a privilege to speak into their lives.  We've been told that the school directors want us to be sowing into the spiritual atmosphere as well, so it will be interesting seeing what the Lord does there.  I'm sure I will have PLENTY of stories through this entire experience.

There is so much more I could share, but at this point my brain is having a hard enough time with everything else to be really able to write everything in my heart.  I have posted new prayer requests on my prayer page at the top, so check it out!
Blessings!

Fly Me Away

Where to begin?  

My body may be sitting in seat 27C on my last connecting flight to Quito, Ecuador, but my mind seems to be in a hundred different places at once.  These past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind of coffee-dates, shopping trips, endless lists, "yes", "no" and "maybe" piles of clothes, and all the last minute tasks that always end up taking more than a minute.  And yet, in the midst of what would appear to be preparedness and great organization, every other minute I would find myself in a "Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, Oh my gosh, I can't believe this is happening" breakdown moment.  

"Deep breaths, Ellie, deep breaths."  "Jesus, HELP ME!  I don't even know what to do with myself."  "How on earth do I put my life into a suitcase?  I'm not going to be able to do it!"

To tell the truth, it probably took twice as long getting everything done because of these moments.  I would just be getting into the flow of packing everything, then that moment would sneak up on me and it would be over.  A tea break would soon follow where I would try to focus my mind on something else.

But Jesus was so good to me throughout this time.  Even though my mind would take these turbulent turns, my heart felt oddly at peace.  Never for a minute did I wonder whether or not I was doing the right thing.  Never for a minute did I questioned what He has spoken to me.  I most definitely have had fears surface left and right, but I continually had a sense of His grace covering me, giving me the ability to trust His supreme goodness.

This leads me to the few things that He has been speaking to me about my upcoming journey.
1)  In one word - Trust.  I love the plan: having vision for where I’m going, praying into that vision, preparing myself according to what the vision is, etc...  But every time I have tried to bring up the plan, the Holy Spirit has changed the subject.  Lord, why?!  He has been showing me that often times, my desire for the plan has actually been trust in something other than the Holy Spirit leading me.  He wants to take me into crazy situations where the only way there is a victorious outcome is if I trust and rely fully on Him.  That will not be possible if even a small portion of my heart still clings to my strength and what I am able to accomplish.  I have to trust me relationship with Him.  I have to trust that I hear His voice.  I have to trust that He is all sufficient.

2)  This is a season to take initiative for the things in my heart.  I was struck the other day at how often we get good ideas; those “we should’s,” “wouldn’t it be fun’s” and “one day I want to’s.”  And then quickly those ideas float into our minds and then float out.  They hardly ever take root, or at best, end up on a bucket-list.  The Lord has challenged me, what would happen if I just went after those things that “randomly” pop into my mind or conversation?  What if I stepped past the dreaming stage and stepped into action?  I am sensing that while I am in Ecuador, I will be having many unique opportunities, but many of them will only happen if I stop waiting for them to happen to me and actually do something about them.


So here I am, an hour and a half away from the beginning of one of the most radical things I have ever found myself doing.  Bless the Lord!

The Sufficiency of Love

I was thinking back today to one of our outreaches in Mozambique. I remember how we had come, packed in the back of trucks, to this small village to peach the gospel of Jesus. For the first hour or two we had broken out into a massive African dance party with singing and shouting and excessive arm motions.

When it got too dark to see anyone, we played the Jesus film on a giant screen. Half way through the film the sound system stopped working, so we resorted to plan B... pray for the sick. Now I think as Westerners we think of missions and praying for the sick as this beautifully orchestrated and holy moment; all attention will be on the preacher and once the call goes out for healing, the sick will, one by one, come forward for prayer and God will supernaturally come through. That fairy tale was about to shrivel before my eyes...

The team stood backed up against one of the trucks as the masses pushed forward. Utter chaos was taking place and there was no possible way to pull things together. Everyone was talking over each other, pulling on you, pushing you, pushing others... I remember thinking, "this can't be right! People should be lining up for prayer. They are hurting each other just to get to us! I don't even know if they need prayer for healing. Half of them seem to be mocking us. And how am I supposed to pray for anyone? There's no way I can possibly get to a translator!"

In that moment I was faced with a question... Is love really enough?

We always talk about God's love being enough for every situation. But when you have hundreds of sets of starving, black eyes fixed on you for the solution to their problems, you begin to question what you REALLY believe. These people had no other options. They couldn't go to the hospital if our prayers didn't work. They couldn't just take some pain killers. Then you began to wonder, what do I have to give? In the face of that kind of need, when you are stripped from all sense of organization and control, you truly realize how insufficient you are. It's raw. It's real. And it's scary.

That night didn't end with some crazy miracle where everyone got healed and saved. There were some who got healed, but more than anything, I walked away with the question still burning in my heart - Is love really enough? Everyday we stare into another set of eyes or another scary situation where God's love HAS to be enough. Even if there seems to be other options, they are only good for a short time until the true need is exposed. At the very foundation of everything, if God's love isn't enough, there is no hope for this world. We can never be sufficient in our own strength or ability.

And now, as my adventure in Ecuador begins in less than a month, I think about that question again - Is love really enough? I cling to the truth, that it IS enough. It's what's holding me together when I think of how little I have to offer in of myself. Maybe I'm not qualified by the world's standards. But His love has qualified me.

Revival is a Reality

I stood at the back of the room, watching.  I tried taking it all in but just became overwhelmed by the moment.  Could this really be happening?  Maybe a hundred years ago, or in some other country in Africa.  But here in my city, in my nation, could this really happen?

The ground shook as 200 crazy young people jumped up and down.  The air was electric as the same 200 people cried out in unison, with a force that reverberated throughout the room.  What was their cause?  To strike the ground over and over and over and over again til the day that we see the promises of the Lord fulfilled in this nation.  80,000,000 saved.  200,000 sent out.  One word... Revival.

2 weeks ago I found myself in the very center of downtown Denver in a church in one of the roughest parts of the city, not sure what to expect, knowing only that I was signed up for YWAM's School of the Circuit Riders.  I was there because the Lord had told me to do it.  I knew it was going to be a school on evangelism, but I was not prepared for what the next 2 weeks would hold.

The first day I was up on a chair practicing preaching the gospel in 2 minutes at the top of my lungs.  Ok, a little uncomfortable and slightly skeptical.  Not sure this is going to work, but we'll see.
The next day a group goes to the memorial for the Aurora shooting and see a man born blind get completely healed.
Alright, maybe God is going to use this more than I though
The next day, souls saved.
Wait, what?
The next day the entire group is caught up in a time of intense worship and intercession for a wave of revival to hit the city of Denver.
Now THIS is what I know I am alive for. Partnering with God to see heaven invade earth.
The next day a paralyzed man gets up from his wheelchair and starts walking.  More souls saved.
Ok I'm convinced.  God is moving in the city.


By the end of the school - Over 250 people healed.  Over 200 saved, delivered and set free.
Revival is a Reality!

For as long as I can remember I have been dreaming about revival.  Even as a little girl, my heart came alive as my Dad talked about what it would be like if everyone in our neighborhood got saved and we had to start a church in our house.  I would drift off into daydreaming when my mom read stories about revivals in the past.  I remember being 13 and excitedly talking with my friends about what it would be like if revival broke out and everywhere you went in the city you would see people praying and worshiping.  Revival has been my heartbeat.  It has been the undying dream of my life.  What if God did it again?  What if He raised up another Evan Roberts or William Seymour?  But never has it seemed like a reality.

It's so easy to grow skeptical.  Each year begins with a prophetic word being released, "This is the year of Revival!"  And each year goes by, and no Revival.  I know it's on God's heart, but it has always seemed just out of reach.  It's something that seems to always get stuck in "next year."  But what if God's people stopped waiting for the next prophetic word and actually believed God for the last word?  What if they stopped waiting for Revival to come and simply starting living like Revival is now?

God spoke so much to me during my time at the Circuit Riders.  He addressed so much that was in my heart and challenged me in ways I least expected.  But the one thing that is still drumming in my ears and beating in my heart is this - Revival is a Reality.  This could actually happen.  Not only that, it IS happening!  I am so overwhelmed at God's goodness and faithfulness and the fact that I get to take part in this epic season of history.  Let me not grow passive or skeptical.  I want to keep burning for Revival!

Your story is waiting

There really is something in allowing yourself to splurge an afternoon on an enticing story.  You settle into your favorite chair and look around to make sure everything is in place - a glass of water and something to munch on at arms length away, a cozy blanket in case your body temperature suddenly changes, and your phone resting on the arm of your chair in order to eliminate the need to get up if it rings.

With everything in place, you release a sigh of contentment as you quickly flip the pages to where you left off.  Bookmark or not, you know exactly where you should be within a matter of moments.  This is a finely honed skill, having been acquired from much practice.  You didn't really have to take mental note of which page or where on the page you left off.  Your fingers masterfully choose a spot to open the book, already familiar with just about how many pages were in the left hand and how many in the right hand the last time you held this book.  You don't have to read full sentences in order to find your place.  Your eyes are trained to briskly dance across the words, recognizing phrases that trigger your memory, already pulling you back into the story as if you had never left.  And then you find it; within moments your eyes have landed on that very particular place that is now your starting-line or trail-head for this afternoon's journey.

Everything that you have read up to this point comes back to you like a freshly painted room.  And so you begin...  At first you are keenly aware of the words on the pages, the sentence structures, and the rhythmic flow of English.  But as you flip page after page, you begin to lose consciousness of everything but the story that you are now fully part of.  Hours pass by, your legs cramp up, you've adjusted your seating multiple times.  Your friend calls your cell phone, you glance at who it is and, a little shamefully, press ignore call.

Reality is no longer your reality.  You have been swept into a life not your own.  You have become anti-social as you spend your time with your new friends who will never be able to return the favor.  You tell yourself that you will put the book down once you have arrived to a "stopping place," but that is easier said than done.  The author has written in such a way that, although the most recent chapter answered the questions that were aroused in the last, even more urgent questions have just been raised.  How can you walk away without knowing what happens, without coming to some kind of momentary resolution?  Walk away and you will spend the rest of your day in agony as all you can do is wonder.  You will replay the most climactic moments that you have read so far, and will begin to fabricate what you suppose will happen next.  No, you just cannot put yourself through that pain.  Just one more chapter; you will finish after you read about your favorite character.

You glance up at the clock, Oh good heavens!  You are going to be late for work!  So you resolve to set down your book for now, but not before hungrily consuming one more rushed paragraph.  You run off to get ready.  Your book now lies in a reckless manner on your favorite chair.  You know exactly where to find it once you return from work, and find it you will for there is nothing else on your mind.  You knew you would come to this point, this almost irresponsible obsession, but it is worth it.  "Why?" others might ask.  Because such a novel is inspiration.  It stirs up desire for adventure, the aspiration to reach for greater things in life.  It causes you to be unsatisfied with living the mediocre life.  What will your own story be?  You must cling to the belief that your life will be, in a similar fashion to the novels you read, a story worth telling.  Just like these beautifully written novels, your life will carry all the same elements - characters that are necessary to the plot, impossible circumstances, moments of uncertainty, process, climactic moments, and many resolutions along the way.  This is why you are a lover of stories.  This is why you let yourself continue to waste hours reading.  You may consider yourself a reader of novels, but you are even more so a liver of life.

It started out as a thought...

Clink, clink, clink.  Metal softly taps against glass as I go round and round the table, meticulously preparing each luncheon place-setting.  Salad fork, entree fork, salad fork, entree fork, salad fork, entree fork - mindless activity giving me time to think.  Today I slide back into the routine of working as a banquet server, but my heart and mind are somewhere else.  I think about the future, where the Lord is taking me and everything that that entails.  Excitement and fear, faith and doubt, awe and disbelief swirl around inside of me making me feel dizzy with anticipation.  In a little over 3 months my life is going to drastically change.  I have been through many transitions in the past, but nothing like this.  How do I even prepare myself for the greatest adventure I have ever faced?  But let me back up and explain myself...

6 weeks ago I returned from a fabulous missions trip to Ecuador.  I wrote about it previously - all the beautiful places that I went to, all the beautiful faces that I saw and all the beautiful lessons that the Lord dropped into my spirit.  But something that I intentionally omitted from my account (because it was still too raw and underdeveloped) was a thought that began to gnaw on the edge of my mind while I was in Ecuador.  "What if I came back?"  I tried over and over to smother that thought.  Remember, the Lord was teaching me how to let go of my need to figure things out.  I would tell myself - I am not here to be distracted by "what's next?"  I am here to fully be and fully experience. - But the thought had taken root in the soil of my mind.  The ministry we were working with, Global Children's Movement, had a meeting with everyone on the team who was interested in coming back for an internship.  Part of me wanted to stay as far away from that meeting as I could, to rebel against the thought that continued to grow.  But, I mean, what could it hurt?  It was a meeting, not signing a contract.  So I went...  No loud trumpets.  No thundering voice from the sky.  No sign flashing in front of my eyes.  It was simply an informational meeting.  It sounded incredible, but I could tell you all the reasons why it wasn't for me, not now anyway.

As I returned to the States I thought "Oh good, after a week or so of transitioning back into my normal routine, everything will be fine.  This ever growing thought will diminish into nothing.  And I will carry on with my plans as if nothing happened."  But this thought did anything but diminish.  It became a flourishing, overgrown plant that consumed every crevice of my mind.  Every pro and every con ran in front of me like a ticker-tape.  Every day I changed my mind.  Even from hour to hour I would get a different idea of what I was going to do.  I started seeing "signs" in everything: this verse means I should go home, that sermon means I should go to Ecuador, God's telling me to wait, I'm supposed to go after it now.  "Stop!  STOP!" I wanted to scream, not so much at the growing idea, but at the constant turmoil, the state of limbo of simply not knowing.  "Ellie, what do you want to do?"  "You don't have to be afraid of making the wrong choice."  "God gives us a choice because He trusts us to be powerful."  All these things people would say to encourage me, and it did to an extent.  But I already knew these things in my mind, and they didn't bring any peace.

After a couple weeks of this, I woke up one morning and made my decision.  If you asked me, I honestly could not tell you how I finally made that decision.  I think it came though simply starting to walk in one direction, seeing if I would feel peace as I did.  And sure enough, as I actually began moving forward, certain doors began opening up, other doors closed, things fell into place, and  I find myself hitting Submit on an acceptance letter to the invitation for an internship in Ecuador.  Here were the biggest factors, the pillars of truth that I couldn't ignore and that helped me go forward with one of the craziest decisions I have ever made: 1) I have always dreamed of living in a Spanish-speaking country, of immersing myself in the culture, speaking the language, getting to know the people.  2) The founder and director of Global Children's Movement, Jennifer Toledo, has been one of my greatest heroes.  To have the opportunity to position myself under her ministry and serve her vision is too good to pass up.  3) Everything that this ministry is focused on is so much a part of who I am and what I am passionate for.  They are focused on social justice, transformation, loving individuals, and empowering the next generation.  Being a part of this ministry will allow me to grow in ways that I cannot yet imagine.

My upcoming year was so perfectly planned out, or so I thought, until Jesus came and with one swoop of His arms, wiped all the charts, diagrams, and layouts off of my table.  He then lay a clean parchment of paper on top of this table.  With a pen and ink, He began to sketch a blueprint.  It took me by surprise, the outline being so different than what I had thought would develop.  All I could do was stand by in shock and watch.  So this is what it means to yield your life to the Lord.  This is what it looks like to give over control of your future to the only One trustworthy.  Part of my heart began to mourn as I had to say No to some things that I had truly hoped for and dreamed about.  But then my heart leaped back to life inside of me as He leaned over to me and whispered, "I will anoint your No so that you can say Yes to something even greater."

So here I am, home for the summer, working at a job that I didn't plan on having, dreaming of what my life will be like in 3 short months.  Dreams are so funny; we feel safe having them as long as we have the safety cushion of knowing that it is for sometime in the future.  As long as I can keep my crazy, big dreams at arms length away, I'm OK.  But once you realize that your own dream is upon you, that it is a reality and attainable, that you actually standing on one of those moving walkways, quickly approaching it whether you walk forward or not, EVERYTHING changes.  I have walked through more doubts and struggles and fears in these past 6 weeks than I would care to share about.  But at the same time, I feel the Lord's hand of grace upon me.  There is no way that I would be moving to a foreign country with hardly any idea of what I will be doing if it were not for His grace.  So thus begins the journey...