Seeing in circles

It's always so surreal when you feel like you are in a moment of coming full circle.  You look around, you take everything in, you remember what it was like when you started the circle, and now you get to look back and all the way around.  One year ago I started my journey in Ecuador on my Bethel missions trip.  I remember what it was like.  I remember the experiences.  I remember the faces.  I remember how my heart felt as God showed me His love for this nation.  I remember thinking, "I will never be the same after this."  Little did I know what "this" would turn into.

Two and a half weeks ago we had a group of fresh faces from Bethel arrive to this beautiful Ecuadorian land.  The same missions trip that started everything for me, but this time being on the other side, my internship behind me and having to face it's near conclusion.  I wasn't at all sure what to expect in having a short term Bethel missions team coming.  I knew it would be good, but what would I feel, what would I see, what would be different now that I have lived here and sown here for 7 months?

I think I saw, felt and experienced more in these past two weeks than I have in a long time.

I don't know that I can fully write down or explain everything that happened while the team was here, but if I had to label anything I would say that I'm pretty sure my heart went through surgery.  And I didn't even realize how much I was needing that surgery until I was right in the middle of the operation.  First of all, this team loved so well, laid down their lives in such and beautiful way, and filled me up in every way possible.  

Their words still ring in my ears - "Thank you for plowing the ground.  Thank you for your faithfulness.  Thank you for loving this nation."  It is incredible the power in them simply honoring what they saw in our work.  Instead of coming to Ecuador with an agenda of seeing amazing miracles, I am convinced that they came for us.  That may sound selfish, but every time they loved on our girls at the prison, or the kids on the streets, or the old people in the mountains, all the people that we have loved - they were loving on us.  It screamed the message to us that everything we have been fighting for, everything we have been giving ourselves to, has been worth it.  Nothing is wasted.

It makes all wrongs right, turns all sorrow into joy, makes all the hours of hard work completely worth it when you see the fruit of your labor.  Maybe it's how a mother feels after the months of pregnancy and then the agony of the birthing process and then to hold her own flesh and blood and to look into the face of life.  Maybe it's how Jesus felt when He received the joy that was set before Him that helped Him endure the brutality of the Cross.  For me it was sitting in the girls jail with my arms wrapped around one of our dear ones and feeling her melt under the the love that charged the atmosphere.  It was watching the girls in the prison weep uncontrollably as the men on the team repented for all the men that had hurt them in their lives.  It was seeing the power of guilt and shame break as the men washed the girls' feet and the women prophesied over each one that they are pure and washed from all sin.  That is the moment that you know with everything inside of you that it was all worth it.

The lies of discouragement, hopelessness and despair that try to make themselves at home in your heart are exposed and uprooted in the light of that kind of extravagant faithfulness, displayed by our perfect Father.  I am truly undone by His goodness and just cannot thank Him enough for all that He has done, is doing and has yet to do.  These kind of testimonies stir up hope inside of your soul - If God is this good, what more is possible?  What kind of impossibilities can I set on fire with the testimony of His goodness?  How can I declare war on the enemy with the weapon of hope?

So here I am, at the completion of a beautiful circle.  It makes me think that we should view our lives through circles, always seeing where the Lord has brought us as we look back on everything that we have fought through.  Not that we need to measure and compare growth, but it truly is encouraging when you see where you started and how far you've come.  Whether that be through reading back in old journal entries, or through remembering testimonies in the past, or through spending time with the people who have gone to hell and back with you.  Truly taking in the circles of your life's processes reminds you of God's goodness and propels you onto what He has next.  We are never stuck.  We are always moving forward in His perfect will.  Sometimes it just takes a little bit of perspective to see where we truly are.

Just become a friend.

Her name is Marilena...
The first time I met her she was a shy 15 year old girl, big hazel eyes, wild "Shirley Temple" curls, and a smile that, although was reserved, lit up the entire room.  She wasn't outgoing like some of the other girls, grabbing everyone's attention in the room.  Nor was she completely disconnected like still some others, so broken that all they could do was cry.  Of course every girl was completely different; their stories, although similar in many ways, were altogether unique.  And each responded to her circumstances in a different manner, not one being right and the other wrong.  Yet there was something about Marilena that stirred my heart and drew me to her from that initial encounter.

Marilena had been human trafficked...  She was sold into slavery, forced into prostitution.  That's why she was there at the rehab center, same with all the girls.  What horrors, abuse and trauma she experienced most of us will never be able to fully comprehend.  What kind of evil could perpetrate this most astonishing abomination, that could take a child of innocence and force her to become a child of many sorrows, a child of utter defilement, a child of darkness?  My initial concern was - where do I even begin to relate to such a girl?  Or how can I even begin to offer healing to her heart?  It's like that overwhelming feeling that comes over you as you take in the wreckage left in the wake of a hurricane or a tornado, and then asking yourself - where do we even start?  It's almost scary.

That's how I felt when we started going to the girl's rehab on a weekly basis to spend time with these girls.  I didn't know what to expect or what to offer them.  But then I met Marilena.  Even though she was just as much in the aftermath of her own tragedy as the other girls, I could still see the little girl behind her timid smile.  In her eyes was a curiosity about the love that we spoke of and a hunger for friendship.  She undid all my guards.

We started our friendship by her teaching me Spanish words and me teaching her English words.  Each week we would come back and quiz each other to see if we remembered our vocabulary from the week before.  Her favorite words were, "eyes," "nose," "smile," "how are you?" and "I love you."  We laughed over our mistakes and had simple conversations about life.  I didn't have to offer some mysterious key to healing or freedom.  She just wanted a friend.  That was enough.

As the weeks went by, we continued to offer simple love and friendship to each of these girls.  Some weeks we spoke on identity and purpose.  Other weeks we had times of worship and prayer over the girls.  Other weeks we did art to stimulate creativity or played crazy games to stimulate silliness and girlieness.  On one of the weeks we did art, Marilena painted me a picture (I still have it tucked away in my journal) that said how much she loves me and misses me when I'm not there.  One of the weeks we spoke on purpose and dreams, Marilena told me that her dreams were to fly in an airplane and to become a veterinarian.  I saw her tenderness in the way that she cared for one of the other girl's baby boy.  Each week she would be the first to greet me, running up and giving me the biggest hug.  Each week she was the last to say goodbye, holding onto me saying, "Please don't leave!"  And each week my heart fell more in love with this beautiful girl.

The last week before I left Ecuador to spend Christmas at home in Colorado, we had a special Christmas party for the girls.  We spent a couple hours cutting out snowflakes with the girls and decorating the dining room for our Turkey feast.  The atmosphere should have been one of joy and festivities, but there was so much sadness in the girls eyes as they knew we were leaving soon.  The whole day Marilena was at my side.  At one point she whispered in my ear, "I won't be here when you come back.  They tell me I'm leaving by the end of this month.  I don't know where I'm going to go.  I may never see you again!  Please don't go!"  How do you respond to that?

When the time came to say goodbye, Marilena held onto me with tears streaming down her face.  "Always remember me as your favorite little sister.  You are my favorite older sister and I will never forget you!"  My heart broke at the desperation I saw in her and so many of the girls that day.  We had brought love to them that maybe they had never experienced in that way before.  When we were with them they were safe.  And now we were leaving.  Where did that leave them?  All during my time at home over Christmas I struggled with that thought.  But I had to come to the place where I knew Jesus was enough.  It wasn't necessarily our love that these girls had been experiencing.  It was the sweet love of Jesus that would never leave them nor would it forsake them.  I clang to that truth.

When I came back to Ecuador in January, I was ready to go back to the girls.  My heart hurt as I knew Marilena wouldn't be there, but I loved each of them so much and just wanted to see their faces.  Then a month went by, then two.  New restrictions in the system, miscommunications and scheduling problems stood in the way from our team going back.  It came to the point where we all wondered if we would get to go back at all.  But last week we finally were able to go to the rehab center with the promise that we could come back every week!  It was such a strange feeling that we all had as we were driving to the center last Monday afternoon.  We had loved these girls so much, but we knew that most of them, if not all, would have left by this time.  They would be all new faces to us.  Yet we also knew that we would be able to love each one of them with the same love Jesus had given us before.

We walked behind the guard through the multiple different doors that lead us inside, still wondering what to expect.  And then... I saw her around the corner, that sweet, beautiful smiling face.  Marilena ran towards me and we fell into each other's arms, laughing with so much joy and excitement to see one another.  I couldn't believe that she was there!  And to our surprise, 6 of the girls that we had known were still there and were completely overjoyed to see us.  We were told that they asked about us every week.  They all hung onto us, asking why we hadn't come for so long.  What could we tell them?  It didn't even matter though.  It felt like coming home.  And the 15 other girls were so unbelievably sweet and open to us coming into their lives.  We all felt like we had known each other for years by our time was over.  It was so beautiful to see Jesus' promises manifest as you could see that His love truly had continued to minister to them even without us coming.

Marilena sat with me and we talked as if we had never been apart.  We told each other how much we had missed one another and how we had been praying for the other.  And then she said something that completely blew me away.  "My dreams have been becoming real," she told me.  "A month ago they told me I was going somewhere.  I didn't know where they were taking me.  And then we showed up at the airport.  I didn't know why.  But then they told me that they were surprising me and sending me on an airplane to the coast for a visit.  I flew on an airplane for the first time!"  She couldn't believe it and neither could I!  We had spoken to these girls over and over again of the importance of dreaming; that when they dreamed, anything could happen.  And God was backing that statement!  She also told me that when she leaves the center in a couple months, she is going to go back to school and will eventually study to become a veterinarian.  She was spilling over with happiness as she told me about these evidences of her life moving forward into a hope filled future.

This has been our prayer for the girls all along! - that they wouldn't remain victims to their circumstances, but that they would receive healing through the love of Jesus and be empowered to live beautifully whole lives.  And here it is becoming reality right before our eyes!

This is so like Jesus.  He was the greatest friend this world ever beheld.  We complicate everything and think that we need to have answers for everyone and their problems.  But Jesus so simplified the Gospel.  He demystified it in this one command... Love!  Just become a friend to people.  That's all you have to offer.  The world is hungry for a "friend who sticks closer than a brother."  No strings attached.  No agenda to see the other person "fixed" or even (dare I say it?) saved.  Just be a friend.  It will bring down all the guards.  It will undo all the defenses.  You can fight theology but you can't fight friendship.

This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.

John 15:12-15

Just Say Yes

Six months ago from today I found myself seated on an American Airlines flight from Denver to Quito, wondering what on earth I was doing there.  A million thoughts ran through my mind.  Had I really heard God's voice?  Had I chosen the right door to walk through?  I felt one half crazy and the other half freaked out of my mind.  In a way, I felt like a baby bird flying the nest, so uncertain of my ability to fly.  All I knew was that I had said Yes to Jesus and if that meant going to South America for 1 year, I would do it.  But that Yes felt like it was costing me something.  That Yes had felt so difficult to say.  It took every ounce of my strength to force that one simple syllable out through my lips and direct it toward one specific decision.  But out it came and I didn't look back.

In my time here I have exercised my "Yes" muscle over and over again.  Countless times over the past 6 months I have come upon things that absolutely scare me and I will hear the Holy Spirit whisper to me - Ellie, will you trust me?  And each time I choose to say Yes, He backs me up with the grace to actually do what I said Yes to.  My Yes has not stopped being scary, but my certainty in the strength of His presence has grown to the point that it drowns out the voice of fear.  The rate of response has become faster and faster and with greater confidence.  It has looked something like this...

Ellie, will you jump?  Will you trust me?
"That was a crazy thought!  That must have been me.  That couldn't have been you, God.  But Jesus, that doesn't make any sense!  I can't.  There's no way I could be brave enough.  Jesus really?  Ah, OK, Yes!"
Ellie, will you jump?  Will you trust me?
"That was a crazy thought!  That must have been me.  That couldn't have been you, God.  But Jesus, that doesn't make any sense!  Jesus really?  Ah, OK, Yes!"
Ellie, will you jump?  Will you trust me?
"That was a crazy thought!  But Jesus, that doesn't make any sense!  Jesus really?  Ah, OK, Yes!"
Ellie, will you jump?  Will you trust me?
"That was a crazy thought!  Jesus really?  Ah, OK, Yes!"

My daily run :)

A week ago I was on a run (side note: I'm training for a half-marathon!!!) and I was just talking with Jesus and thinking about my life here in Ecuador (sometimes I can't believe that my life is for real).  It was just a normal run and a normal conversation with Jesus, but then I stepped into that same crazy-Yes-moment that had caught me by surprise so many times before.

Ellie, will you give up your Spanish classes?
Wait, what?
This thought felt crazy in many ways, but two felt unanswerable.
1)  What on earth would I do with my time?  Spanish classes fill up most of my schedule for the week, coming to around 5 hours a day, 5 days a week.  I can't just drop my classes without having a plan for what I would be doing with my time!
And 2) I'm still not fluent!!!!  Jesus knows the dreams and the desires of my heart.  How could He ask me to lay this down after all the hard work I've put into it and the fact that I still haven't reached my dream?
Ellie, will you jump?  Will you trust me?

I told Jesus I would pray about it.  After I told Him that, I realized how ridiculous that was since He would be the one I would pray to about it...

6 months ago I would have either brushed off the thought as irrational and nonsensical OR I would have strapped myself into a seat of worrying, reasoning, figuring it out, going through all the pros and cons, etcetera and etcetera.  I've come to realize that it's better to say Yes and jump without thinking.  Obviously, making calculated decisions is always a good idea.  But I want to get to that place where whenever Jesus says jump, I jump without asking.  No, it normally doesn't make sense.  But God cannot be limited and fit into the box of sense.

So I said Yes...  Yes without knowing what would be waiting for me.  Yes without knowing where my feet would land.  Yes even though He had yet to show me why.  Yes Jesus Yes!  Let everything within me be Yes!

Praying over Quito

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love
It's so simple and you know it is
You know it is
We can't be to and fro like this
All our lives
You're the only way to me
The path is clear
What do I have to say to you
For Gods sake, dear- Snow Patrol "Just Say Yes"


Once I made the decision to give up my Spanish classes, I had two visions, one of Jesus handing me a map of Quito and the other of Jesus handing me a treasure map.  He invited me on a faith adventure.  What would it look like to get up each morning and ask Holy Spirit, “where we are going to go today?”  And then walk with Him wherever He leads me in the city of Quito?  Maybe I will take a couple of buses to get there.  Maybe I will walk for a couple of hours.  Maybe the treasure will be a person that He wants me to talk with.  Maybe the treasure will be a place where I will pray and bring His kingdom.  I don't know, but I said Yes and now I can't wait!

Let’s go find uncharted territory together
Let’s throw all the plans out the window
I don’t need to pack my bags
I have all that I need, I have your voice

My heart has been captured by this city and these people.  I want to see freedom come to this land.  I want to see the sons and daughters of God rise up and take there place.  I want to see revolution fill the streets, ringing with the sound of justice.  I am just so excited for what this adventure with Jesus is going to turn into.  I just love how He always leads us by His goodness whenever we say Yes as He holds out His hand.  Yes is never the wrong answer.  Yes to Him will always prove to be right.  It will feel crazy and wild and out of control, but that's how it should be.  Yes is so much fun!

Just say YES!

Let the caged bird fly

I want you to picture yourself standing in a field; it's a wide open field and you're the only one standing there.  But then you see Jesus walking in the distance.  At first He seems so very far away.  But He keeps coming closer and closer and closer.  And then you realize that He is walking straight towards you.  And then, to your surprise, He walks right up to you and looks you straight in your eyes.

Now I want you to picture you holding your heart in your hands.  It is fully of all the emotions you have experienced in your life - some beautiful, others painful.  You hold it in your hands, broken and damaged.  But despite all of that, you hand your heart over to Jesus.  You are afraid.  What will He do with my heart?  But that fear melts away as He takes your heart in His hands.  He holds it as if He held the most precious of jewels.  He holds it in a way that He will never let anything happen to it.  And then He takes your heart and puts it inside of Himself.

Then, with His eyes locked on yours, He pulls His heart out and hands it to you.  It is His heart of love for you, His heart of healing.  And He says, "All my love is for you my daughter.  I give it all to you, because you are worth it!  You are worth all the love that I have in my heart.  You are worth it."

I led the girls in the prison through this encounter with Jesus.  They were 25 girls, sitting around one long table, heads buried in their crossed arms, bodies heaving with sobs, tears running off their faces onto the tables.  In front of them lay the art pieces that they had just finished drawing. Each started with a big circle divided into slices.  And then they either drew or wrote out different feelings that they had experienced in the recent years of their lives. Expressing their inner world on a blank sheet of paper.  Unlocking something that has been stuffed inside for many years.

I sat next to one of the girls as she worked on her story expressed in this circle.  I watched tears spill off her nose as she wrote the cold, hard words across the white sheet of paper...
Sadness
Desperation
Shame
She continued to draw pictures of her being abandoned, abused, and imprisoned.

We have been going to the girl's youth prison for 6 months now.  It has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life to watch these girls unfold.  On first meeting them, they entered the room with tough facades,  unbreachable walls, and emotionless eyes.  How will we ever get through?

If you ask any one of them - if you could be an animal, what would you be and why - every single girl will respond - a bird so I can fly away from here.  If you ask any one of them - if you could do anything in the whole world, what would you do and why - every single girl will respond - just get out of here.  It has crushed my heart to see God's daughters not only locked behind physical prison walls, but also locked inside of their very souls, unable to see any way out.  They long for the immediate freedom from jail, but cringe at the thought of true freedom.  Freedom is such a foreign concept to them.  It's an impossible reality... and it's terrifying.  Better to stay locked up behind the bars that they have built for themselves, than risk opening up to freedom and getting hurt.  Or so they thought.


The soft sound of worship music played in the background as we tried to hold one weeping girl after the other.  There were only 3 of us able to minister at the prison this time.  How could we comfort them all?  But Holy Spirit was there ministering as we prayed over each girl, stroked back her hair, and told her that Jesus was healing her heart.  Although this was such a heavy time for them, I truly believe these girls walked away  with a new hope in their hearts.  Maybe for the first time in a long time they had unlocked the prison where there emotions had been held captive.  Maybe they were able to release the pain of being hurt, abused and abandoned.  Maybe they felt God's love wrapping around them in a way that undid the pain of life and healed the deep scars.  I don't know for sure, but I have faith to see these beautiful little birdies find true freedom.  One girl said at the end, "I did see Jesus.  And He told me that He loves me."

Are we not all birds locked up inside our own cages?  We are offered freedom, but we choose bondage instead because of the fear of exposing our emotions and getting hurt.  We may not be in prison like these girls.  Nevertheless, our eyes look out between bars, never really knowing freedom.  But if we do not let down our walls, how can our Savior come in and heal the broken down places?  How can He restore us?  He wants to take all the scattered pieces and create a masterpiece.  He wants to go into the overgrown, chaotic garden, get His hands dirty and bring beautiful order.

We were created for freedom.  We will die if we stay locked up.  Our dreams will die, our hope for a better future will die, our relationships will die, our confidence will die...  I recently read a quote that said, "We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry."  May we let out the cry for freedom inside of ourselves and hear the cry for freedom in others.  Our God is so good.  He hears our cries.  And He will set us free.  That's the whole point of the cross.

Isaiah 61:1-3

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion -

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of His splendor.

Hosea's Wife

Lynda and I sat at a small table outside of a coffee shop in the center square of Plaza Foch.  Praying, listening, watching.  Incognito prayer warriors, scouting out the land, looking for God's heart beat in this place.

As we shared with each other what we were sensing, while sipping our coffee, we were approached by two beautiful little girls, tiny arms full of roses and candies.  No older than 7 or 8 years old, it is a common thing for children at this age to help their families by selling candy on the streets.  Normally it's necessary to say, "I'm sorry.  No thank you."  There are just too many to give money to every one.  But this night we just happened to have packages of chocolate cookies with us.  As they looked at us with those sad, brown eyes, I handed the younger one a package of cookies.  Hopefully they would experience the love of God through the simplicity of this gift.

This little girl took the cookies and then proceeded in her most pitiful voice to try to convince me to give the other girl a package as well.  I told her that the cookies were to share and that there were enough for the two of them.  But she continued to plead for more cookies.  Lynda reached into her purse and pulled out two art pieces; one for each girl.  We told them that we couldn't give them more cookies but we wanted them to have the art.  God had something very special to say about each one of them.  The other girl looked at her's and asked if she could switch for a different one.  I handed the first girl a beautiful drawing of a heart that said, "All the love of heaven is over you, dear one."  I looked straight into her eyes and told her how much God loves her.  "You are His daughter.  You are so beautiful to Him.  You are a princess."

She did not want to hear any of that.  She just wanted more cookies.  Finally, in frustration she started to huff off.  Before she left, she turned around, looked at the picture of the heart in her hand, ripped it down the middle and threw it back at us.

I felt like someone had just punched me in the gut.  I could hardly believe what had just played right before our eyes.  This tiny 7 year old had just rejected Love, wanting the pleasure of sweets instead.

In that moment, it was as if the Father lifted a veil from my eyes and showed me how He feels all the time.  With that picture of the ripped heart lying on the table right in front of me, staring back at me with the utter brokenness of the situation, I knew that we were guilty of having done the exact same thing over and over and over again.

How often do we come to God, wanting the cookies instead of the love?  We come for the benefits, the blessing, and He is so good to give us what we ask for.  Yet when He offers us the greatest treasure of all, when He extends the free gift of His love, we tear it up and throw it back in His face.

Hosea 4:12

For the spirit of harlotry has caused 

them to stray,

and they have played the harlot

against their God.

God asked Hosea to marry a prostitute.  This would be the hardest thing he ever did.  He would love her, give her beautiful things, woo her heart, marry her, have two children with her.  And yet.  And yet she would choose other lovers over his love for her.  She would throw everything back in his face and reject his heart.

The spirit of harlotry fills our streets, our homes, our churches.  It's the pervading theme of, "I want what you have, but I don't want you."  It chooses the benefits over intimacy.  It chooses profit over relationship.  It makes God a business instead of a love affair.  How have we fallen so far?

But after all that, after His very heart is abused, rejected and thrown back in His face, He continues to love us, He continue to pursue the on His heart desires.

Hosea 2:14, 16, 19, 20

Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

and bring her into the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her.

And in that day, declares the Lord,

you will call me "My Husband"

and no longer will you call me "My Master."

And I will betroth you to Me forever.

I will betroth you to Me

in righteousness and justice,

in steadfast love and mercy.

I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.

And you shall know the Lord.

The other day I was on a run, twisting through back neighborhood roads, passing by fruit stands, breathing in the fumes of buses going by.  Nothing new.  But then, as I ran down the pavement, something in the gutter caught my eye.  In the midst of the trash and filth that lined the road I saw a single red rose.  At first I thought to just continue on my run.  But then I saw person after person walking down the sidewalk, glance down at the lonely rose, and then pass on by.  And the Holy Spirit stopped me.

Ellie, I never pass on by.

No matter used up, broken, filthy, and valueless we see ourselves, He never passes by.  Again, I think of Hosea's wife.  She was the rose, selling herself for temporary love, value, and beauty.  But then she ended up in the gutter among the trash.  Yet there is never an ounce of I-told-you-so inside of God's heart.  Never does He say, "I offered you my love and you rejected it for another love.  You lost your chance."  Never!  He always picks her up out of her filth and rescues her back into His love.

As I ponder all of this, I find myself responding for myself as well as on behalf of all those around me.  Never do I want to reject the love of my Savior!  Let me never choose another love over His love.  And not only that, let me love like my God who says...

Hosea 11:8

How can I give you up...?

My heart churns within Me;

                                                                 My sympathy is stirred.

What is Behind Their Eyes?

“The Eyes are the window to your soul.” - William Shakespeare

This phrase ran through my mind over and over and over again as I walked through the crowds of lonely people 2 weeks ago, all having somewhere they were going, but really going nowhere.  So dark, so very dark.  Artificial light flashing in front of me, from every club and every street corner.  The pounding sound of music, echoing through the emptiness of countless searching souls.  The red light district of Quito.

What is it about eyes that captures a human being?  What is it about catching someone's glance that causes them to quickly look away?  Is it fear of letting someone look into the window of their souls?  Is it fear of being found out?

The Lord began to speak to me about the power of the eyes.

Matthew 6:22-23  

"The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!"

I have the great life calling of gazing into the eyes of my Maker.  And as I do, the fullness of His life is transferred into me.  It's as if our eye connection creates a highway for His Spirit to flow out of the great windows of God's heart and then in through the the windows of our hearts.

We are no different as human beings.  We are able to build connection with someone when we simply look into their eyes, see who they truly are and still choose to love them.  And in that place, the Light that is inside of us is able to flow into the one we behold.  What a powerful, unspoken transformation that takes place!  

2 weeks later, there was something even deeper, a greater loneliness behind the beautiful dark eyes of the people down on the streets.  Valentine's Day.  The Global day of Love.  The commercialized picture of red roses, chocolates, teddy bears and romantic, candle-lit dinners.  How is it that such a superficial, plastic image of "love" could entice so many people, as it feasts on their money and then throws their brokenness back in their faces?

And here in Latin America, the atmosphere was charged with a spiritual tension that was greater than I have ever experienced in the States on Valentine's Day.  It felt like there was almost a desperation that lay right underneath the surface of an entire city.  

Am I really loved?  What must I do in order to cling onto this sense of being wanted?  Will it be stripped away from me tomorrow?  Is there something wrong with me?

Isn't this the question that every human being is asking?  Am I lovable? 

We were split into groups of 3's and 4's, each with a couple of thermoses full of hot chocolate and art pieces that our team had been working on for the past couple of weeks.  Also, someone had donated 50 red and white roses for us to hand out to the women in the red light district.  Although these were still a material symbol of love, we knew that the Holy Spirit was going to redeem these simple, fragrant buds in order to minister to the hearts of those hungering for real love.

They were the women selling chocolate on the street corners.  They were the mother and children digging through the trash in search recyclable material.  They were the prostitutes with their backs against the wall, waiting for the next customer as if it were any other day.  They were the starving teenagers, completely high from sniffing glue in order to dull themselves from the bitter life of sleeping on the cold streets.  They were the women outside the bar, smoking together to avoid the loneliness that screamed in their faces.

As I looked into each set of eyes, I truly felt like I was peering into some place of their soul.  There was so much brokenness, but it was a broken beauty that just needed someone to love it back into wholeness.

With eyes fixed, we spoke the words of truth.  

You are so beautiful.  You are dearly loved by God.  Your heart is so pure, just like this rose.  You have a destiny.  You are never alone.

While they looked into our eyes, it was as if they were able to see the truth and the love that was inside of our souls, flowing out to touch theirs.  What beautiful worship unto the Lord as the windows of their eyes filled with light, wonder, hope and tears.

What a perfect way to waste our Valentine's day by extravagantly pouring out our fragrant perfume on the Lord by ministering to His Beloved!

"Your eyes look like coming home..."

The Indigenous Sound of the Amazon

Bumping and jostling over the uneven, dirt road that lead us deeper and deeper into the jungle.  Eyes plastered on the scene before me, just beyond the rain smeared pane of glass.  Untamed, uninhabited, uncivilized, uncontrolled, unrestrained.  What lies in the deep of this endless forest?  What sort of people establish their lives in this fierce land?  This, this is the Amazon.

We had a solid 8 hours in our tightly packed van to our final destination - a tribe of Waodoni people, who we are wanting to build connection with in order to bring teams to minister to them in the future.  During the ride, our "tour guide" (a gentleman who has been working with this tribe for 7 years) shared the rich history and lifestyle of this tribe...

The Waodonis are a distinct indigenous group of people in the Ecuadorian Amazon, who have their own language, customs, culture, etc...  Through history, these people lived somewhat nomadic lifestyles, moving from place to place, hunting wild animals, wearing little more than leaves, and practicing their own religion with the spirits of nature.  In the past, they were known as a hostile group of people, killing outsiders or each other with man-sized spears, often times for no apparent reason.

With the influence from "outsiders", specifically oil companies that have moved in over the past 20-40 years, the Waodonis have adopted much of the civilized culture: establishing permanent settlements, the use of electricity, having schools in the communities that teach Spanish, wearing clothes...

Even with all this information, my mind swirled with questions and anticipation.  This was the same group of people who Jim Elliot and his group had tried to reach with the Gospel 60 years previously.  This was the same group of people who had speared these missionaries on the bank of the river.  This was the same group of people that the wives and the children of these modern day martyrs spent much of their lives with, continuing to bring the love and forgiveness of the Father.  How much has changed?  How did the lives AND deaths of these missionaries affect this previously unreached people group?

Ellie, you will hear the indigenous sound of the Amazon.

This was all that the Lord spoke to me in preparation.  As we climbed out of the van and sank into the deep mud, I turned my ear to listen.  As we greeted the leaders of the community and their families, I listened.  As we were lead through the village by a 6 year old girl, I listened.  As one of the elders shared his life story with us, I listened.  As we took a 5 hour trek through the unmarked jungle, I listened.

What I heard was both beautiful and painful.

These people have developed so much over the years, abandoning many of their savage ways, no longer spearing each other in rage, moving away from alcoholism, living and making decisions as a community, giving their children education.  And at the same time, they are still fighting to maintain the beauty of their culture as they live in close family, continue to live off the land, have beautiful ceremonies with dancing and singing, and continue to speak their native tongue.

Yet I was left confused and grieved as I also heard the sound of a people still oppressed by a heavy darkness.  I heard the fear in our little friend, Cupe, who refused to take us down a certain road because of the dead man at the end who comes back to life to drag girls away.  I heard the emptiness in 17 year old Rosillo, who had been abducted at 6 by a family who would abuse her for the next 10 years until her brother came and rescued her and then had her marry him.  She was days away from having her first baby, which she will do basically on her own in her house, with little more than a rope to hold onto.  I heard the pain of abuse from the men who took many wives for themselves, girls as young as 13-14, or the pain of incest towards the most innocent children.  I hear the sound of spiritual bondage in a 70 year elder who had just lost his entire family because a spirit had told his wife to poison herself and all her children.

This is injustice.

How is it that someone can go as far as laying down his life for a people group, and yet the enemy continues to have a hold on them with his death grip?  Jim Elliot gave his life for the Waodonis, and so many are still lost in darkness.  Jesus Christ gave his life for mankind, and so many are still lost in darkness.  The price has been paid.  When will Jesus get his just reward?  When will the sound of sorrow be turned into the sound of rejoicing?  When will the song of pain be turned into the song of redemption?

My time in the Amazon was so brief.  Beautiful, surreal, inspiring, life changing, but very, very short.  Yet I feel as if I did hear the indigenous sound of the Amazon.

For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.  

For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, 

in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.  

For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.

The sound is creation groaning for the sons and daughters of God to arise.  The sound is a longing for God's people to take back what the enemy has stolen, to claim Jesus' just reward.  The sound is the future day when every tribe and every tongue will worship the Lamb.  The sound is in the hearts of the Waodoni people, and it will soon be released!

Beautiful Wao people

Our team in the Jungle!

Canoe ride back to camp

Welcoming ceremony

Typical Wao house

Leaders in the community in front of a traditional Wao hut

Baby Diego!

Joining in the dancing, singing and laughing

Our team with one of the elders of the tribe